Things Overheard in Reopened Restaurants and Bars

The list for July 6, 2020
Due to the coronavirus, some states are shutting down
restaurants and bars, while others are reopening
them so they can be shut down again in a few weeks.
The Top 15 Things Overheard in
Reopened Restaurants and Bars

  1. "What a great atmosphere they have here —- it’s really infectious!"

  2. "Last call, folks! No, seriously, this may be the last time I see some of you alive."

  3. "Thank you for ordering in French, Sir. This mask isn’t hiding my eye-rolling, is it?"

  4. "Jager shots are five bucks, flu shots are ten."

  5. "With this mask on, I can’t use my lick-my-nose pickup technique."

  6. "Alex Jones said masks are for wimps. So take that damn thing off and read the specials again, you sheep."

  7. "It’s not drinking alone if you call it ‘social distancing.’"

  8. "Lysoltini, please."

  9. "Ma’am, the gentleman at the other end of the bar asked me to give you this drink and his Zoom link."

  10. "Two urinals in between, broseph. Social pisstancing."

  11. "All the food here smells bland and tastes flavorless and… oh shit."

  12. "You’re so hot I don’t know whether to take you to a hotel or an ER."

  13. "I get the temperature check at the door, but using a meat thermometer is just plain weird."

  14. "Really? You’ve never heard of the reverse cowgirl virus test?"
And the Number 1 Thing Overheard in Reopened Restaurants and Bars…

  1. "Oh my God, these nachos are to *die* for!"

Like this list?
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Selected from 69 submissions from 25 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:

  • Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 1, 6 (131st #1)
  • Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA — 2, 11
  • Lori Petterson, Fairfax, VA — 3
  • Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH — 4
  • Greg Preece, Toronto, Canada — 5, 12
  • Michael Whitmire, Houston, TX — 7
  • Mike Vance, Houston, TX — 8
  • Curtis Stoddard, Cedar Hills, UT — 9
  • Chris White, Olympia, WA — 10. list moderator
  • Martin Bredeck, Hybla Valley, VA — 13
  • Kim Moser, New York, NY — 14
  • Larry Hollister, Concord, CA — 15

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