The list for April 2, 1998
The Top 16 Ways to Celebrate
Spring Internationally
Spring Internationally
- RUSSIA: Get off the mile-long line for firewood; get in the mile-long line for umbrellas.
- HOLLAND: Annual Easter Clog Toss (“Watch out, Hans!”)
- VATICAN CITY: The Pope presides over the ceremonial casting out the first sinner.
- ISRAEL: Throw cute little stuffed animals filled with rocks at the Palestinians.
- LIECHTENSTEIN: Send annual “we’re still a country” notification to the U.N.
- CHERNOBYL: Night Parade Of the Glow-In-The-Dark Chickens
- JAKARTA: Child-Labor Factory #4 switches from making Kathy Lee scarves to Nike running shoes.
- TEHRAN: Can now attend “Death to America” rally in shorts.
- BAGHDAD: Before inspectors begin their hunt, replace anthrax eggs with slightly less nauseating Cadbury eggs.
- PRAGUE: Tank tops (with real tanks).
- TOKYO: Godzilla turns his fancy from a path of destruction to thoughts of love.
- FRANCE: French Army stocks up on white flags at annual White Sale.
- ENGLAND: Leichester Larry comes out of his flat and smiles. If any teeth are straight, 6 more weeks of rain — otherwise, 5.5 more weeks of rain.
- IRELAND: Swimsuit issue of “Soccer Hooligan Illustrated” hits newsstand.
- BOSNIA: Annual switch to “Daylight Bombing Time” requires setting your quality of life back another decade.
And the Number 1 Way to Celebrate Spring Internationally…
- GERMANY: Order the flowers to bloom.
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CREDITS
Selected from 124 submissions from 44 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 1, 7 (18th #1)
- Peter Rogers, Boston, MA — 2
- Jeff Downey, Raleigh, NC — 3
- William Gray, San Jose, CA — 4
- Chris Gleason, Germantown, MD — 5
- David Kass, Brooklyn, NY — 6
- Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA — 8
- Blair Bostick, Alexandria, VA — 9
- Mark Schmidt, Santa Cruz, CA — 9, 10
- Paul Paternoster, Redwood City, CA — 11
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA — 12
- Phil Doyle, Mercer Island, WA — 13
- Dave Henry, Slidell, LA — 14
- Ed Brooksbank, Sacramento, CA — 15
- Peter Bauer, Rochester, NY — 16
- Kim Moser, New York, NY — 16
- Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — Banner Tag
- Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA — RU list name
- Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD — Topic
- The Wallflowers, Los Angeles, CA — Ambience
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