The list for December 10, 1996
The Top 17 Super Powers of Supermodels
- Ultra Power Purge: The ability to launch previous meal with superhuman force.
- Ability to shake exactly three cornflakes out of the box.
- Able to earn money faster than even Burt Reynolds could spend it.
- Can slip arms between window and weatherstripping of locked car doors.
- Anti-gravity breasts eliminate need for assistance from WonderBra.
- CerebraVacusation: Ability to suck the intelligence out of any room.
- AnnaVi$ion: The ability to spot an elderly millionaire from miles away.
- The ability to get a table in exclusive restaurants, unbound by space and time.
- Schifferama: Ability to withstand SuperDorkiness (David Copperfield, Rick Ocasek, etc.)
- Super Turbo PowerPout of Death
- The ability to define Gestalt psychology as affirming that the response of an organism is a complete and unalyzable whole rather than a sum of the responses to specific elements of the situation.
- Multicoverisity: Can appear in several locations at once — even in the same Supermarket!
- Power of heaving breasts exceeded only by power of heaving meals.
- Can crack sophisticated spy code using only a Clinique skin-type computer and a tube of Maybelline Dial-a-Lash mascara.
- Waif-Power: Ability to toss hair all day long on the energy of two lettuce leaves and a Fresca.
- Cold response to pickup line can actually wither a man’s privates.
And the Number 1 Super Power of Supermodels…
- Can employ entire pre-teen population of Guatemala with a single K-Mart clothing line.
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CREDITS
Selected from 108 submissions from 40 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD — 1 (7th #1)
- Kris Johnson, Burbank, CA — 2
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 3, 8, 14
- David Sklar, New Haven, CT — 3
- Meredith Ogden, Ithaca, NY — 4
- Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA — 5
- David W. James, Los Angeles, CA — 6, 12
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA — 7
- Marianne Tatom, Austin, TX — 8
- Mitch Patterson, Atlanta, GA — 8
- George Olson, Colorado Springs, CO — 8
- Steve Hurd, San Ramon, CA — 8
- Rob Winchell, Arlington, MA — 9
- Paul Paternoster, Redwood City, CA — 9
- Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 10
- Yoram Puius, Bronx, NY — 11
- Craig Stacey, St. Paul, MN — 12
- Duncan Carling, San Francisco, CA — 13
- Kim Moser, New York, NY — 13
- Barbara McMahon, Ann Arbor, MI — 15
- Michael Wolf, Brookline, MA — 16
- Rob Wells, Paris, France — 17
- Sterling Smith, Houston, TX — 17
- Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC — 17
- Joel McClure, Sterling Heights, MI — 17
- Tony Hill, Minneapolis, MN — Topic
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