Signs You’ve Got Bad Seats at Yankee Stadium

The list for April 17, 1998

The Top 16 Signs You’ve Got
Bad Seats at Yankee Stadium

Vendors in other sections: “Beer! Hot Dogs!”
Vendor in your section: “First aid kits! Life insurance!”
Beer and peanuts have to be airlifted in.
During the seventh inning stretch, your upper-deck seats are suddenly right behind the dugout.
When the batter points above your head, you think, “He’s gonna hit it this way!” When everyone in the stadium follows suit, you’re not so sure.
Kid next to you brought his mitt and the “Jaws Of Life.”
You may be in “The House that Ruth Built,” but you’re sitting under a beam installed by a contractor named Gino “Payoff” Sambitelli.
On your left, Pauly Shore. On your right, Carrot Top.
Despite what the vendor says, you’re pretty sure the song doesn’t say to buy some peanuts and crack.
After each inning, your picture’s on the JumboTron with the Jaws theme playing in the background.
“And now, will Section G please stand for the singing of “Nearer My God, To Thee…”
You’re right in the line-of-fire between the manager’s end of the dugout and Mr. Steinbrenner’s luxury box.
Tommy Lasorda won’t stop touching you “funny.”
Ushers in your section replaced by personal injury attorneys.
The scoreboard welcomes Flatulents Anonymous, who are seated in your section.
Lack of oxygen up here makes Steinbrenner seem to suck less.

And the Number 1 Signs You’ve Got Bad Seats at Yankee Stadium…

In the overhang immediately above you, Rush Limbaugh serves yet another round of hot dogs to Cecil Fielder’s family.

CREDITS

Selected from 131 submissions from 45 contributors.

Today’s list authors were:

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