Signs You’re the Next Target in the Rap Wars

The list for March 14, 1997

The Top 15 Signs You’re the
Next Target in the Rap Wars

As a novice rapper, how were you to know that calling Dr. Dre a fat dope wasn’t the same as calling him phat and dope?
Your last rap was called, “Not Only Did I Sleep With Your Woman, I Filmed It And Sold The Video To Penthouse.”
Every time you crack your knuckles, your posse dives for cover.
You see junior high kids wearing T-shirs with a caricature of you being pummeled by gangsta cartoon characters.
Flavor Flav starts hiding behind you, saying, “Don’t mind me, boyyyyyyyy.”
Your hit Country and Western CD is entitled, “Why the Hell Would ANYONE Wanna Listen to Rap Music?”
You find a pair of ridiculously baggy shorts boiling on your stove.
Homeys start calling you “The Notorious D.O.A.”
Your stage manager reduces your light show to a single red laser on your forehead.
As you’re sitting in a trendy LA night spot you hear, “Waituh! I awduhed a cawfee!”
Jealousy is incurred by your rhyming the word, “defenestration.”
Your personal “Rapping Psychic” asks you for a word that rhymes with “toe tag.”
Suddenly, all your homeys would rather take the bus than get in your Lexus.
Your song, “If You So Damn Hard, Lesse You Put A Cap In My Ass”, has been getting a whole lot of airplay lately.

And the Number 1 Sign You’re the Next Target in the Rap Wars…

CREDITS

Selected from 98 submissions from 39 contributors.

Today’s list authors were:

T5031497