Signs You’re Not a Fashion Model (Part II)

The list for March 28, 1997

The Top 15 Signs You’re Not a Fashion Model
(Part II)

Your only modeling gig so far was posing for the ‘Before’ picture in Oxy-10 commercials.
You’re on the cover of the Sports Illustrated Spacesuit Edition.
Men aren’t *supposed* to have large, supple breasts.
Last night’s dinner consisted of MORE than 3 peas.
Strict daily diet includes a pound of pork rinds and half a case of Yoohoo.
You’ve been able to read without using your index finger for years.
You can’t fit your finger IN your mouth, let alone down your throat.
Your new spring look? Plaid shorts, white belt, black socks.
When you ask where the runway is, you invariably get directions to LaGuardia.
Despite constant dieting, intense workouts and subscriptions to all the glamour magazines, you just can’t seem to lose that 3-digit IQ!
The closest you’ll ever get to David Copperfield is the Dickens Festival.
No matter how much base you use, you just can’t seem to cover up those bolts sticking out of the side of your neck.
Jim Bob’s All-U-Kin-Eat Country Buffet had to hire a bouncer to keep you out.
Forget Revlon — you should be a spokesperson for Teflon.

And the Number 1 Sign You’re Not a Fashion Model…

You’ve never heard of Oscar de la Renta, but are a longtime fan of Oscar Meyer’s.

CREDITS

Selected from 136 submissions from 50 contributors.

Today’s list authors were:

T5032897