Signs You’re Engaged to a Former Child Star

The list for April 7, 1998
The Top 15 Signs You’re Engaged
to a Former Child Star

  1. Every time you make love, she refers to it as "a very special episode."

  2. His agent calls to negotiate the pre-nup and demands a percentage of the wedding gifts.

  3. Instead of reporting the engagement of "Master Ronald Schmitz" to "Miss Leslie Hanover," the media reports the engagement of "Corky" to "Gidget."

  4. He’s got so much youthful energy and enthusiasm, all that cocaine hardly affects him at all.

  5. Your high school Sex Education class said nothing about putting cans of paint over the door or lubricating the stairs with honey.

  6. Sulks in the corner if she doesn’t get "top billing" in bed.

  7. Always stops to bow to the surveillance camera during convenience store robberies.

  8. Oscar on the mantle is dressed as Malibu Barbie.

  9. Every time the two of you "get nasty" on the couch, she always calls you "Mr. Casting Director."

  10. She refers to your manly part as "Mr. French."

  11. Reminisces about lavish vacations at Neverland.

  12. "Dinner with your parents? Whatchoo talkin’ ’bout, woman?!?"

  13. Eve Plumb jukes the Olsen twins, stiff-arms Susan Dey and skies over Erin Moran to catch the bouquet.

  14. You may be saving money on security systems, but your dental bill skyrocketed after that bucket hit you in the face.
And the Number 1 Sign You’re Engaged to a Former Child Star…

  1. You: "Yes, I’ll marry you." Him: "Otay!"
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CREDITS
Selected from 93 submissions from 34 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:

  • Alan Wagner, Bayside, WI — 1 (1st #1!)
  • Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY — 2, 4
  • Gene Markins-Dieden, New Haven, CT — 3
  • Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA — 5
  • Kim Moser, New York, NY — 5, 8
  • Beth Kohl, Chicago, IL — 6
  • Dave Henry, Slidell, LA — 7
  • David W. James, Los Angeles, CA — 9
  • William Gray, San Jose, CA — 10
  • Peg Warner, Exeter, NH — 11
  • Phil Doyle, Mercer Island, WA — 12
  • Peter Bauer, Rochester, NY — 13
  • Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 14
  • Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 14
  • Greg Pettit, Houston, TX — 15
  • Jay Allen, Long Beach, CA — Topic
  • Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA — RU list name
  • Scott Johnson, Danville, CA — Banner Tag
  • Chris White, New York, NY — List owner/moderator
  • Janet Jackson, Gary, IN — Ambience
T5040798

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