Signs You’re Being Stalked by a Leprechaun

The list for March 2, 1998
The Top 15 Signs You’re Being
Stalked by a Leprechaun

  1. Generic-looking green van parked across the street with Notre Dame bumper sticker.

  2. Every time you turn around the pitter-pattering stops and that green fire hydrant seems to have gotten a little closer.

  3. Green lipstick marks on the butt of your Dockers.

  4. You’re being followed by a large woman with a sultry voice and a dying career. (Oops! That’s a sign you’re being stalked by Chaka Khan.)

  5. You don’t recall owning an anatomically correct lawn gnome.

  6. Card delivered with the bouquet of 4-leaf clovers reads, "I bet you’re magically delicious!"

  7. When you come home from work, the potatoes are missing from the cupboard and your parrot is singing "Danny Boy."

  8. Prank caller has a really corny Irish accent, and Richard Gere has an airtight alibi.

  9. Those tiny green hairs on your toilet seat.

  10. Sultry voice from shower soap dish asks, "Is that your shillelagh, or are you just happy to see me?"

  11. Pink hearts, yellow moons, blue diamonds scratched on your car at knee-level, and Ross Perot is nowhere to be found.

  12. Them little green pellets in the litter box ain’t M&M’s, Chester.

  13. Whitewater Special Investigators are taller, wear more conservative suits, and have a snottier disposition.

  14. Every day this week you’ve noticed the same buckle shoes dangling just above the floor in the stall next to you.
And the Number 1 Sign You’re Being Stalked by a Leprechaun…

  1. Tiny scary person — check. Gold — check. Ears that stick out — check. Ice skates — wait a sec, ice skates?!?!
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CREDITS
Selected from 131 submissions from 50 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:

  • Yoram Puius, Bronx, NY — 1 (6th #1)
  • Dave Henry, Slidell, LA — 1 (2nd #1)
  • Ed Smith, Chattanooga, TN — 2, 3
  • Paul Paternoster, Redwood City, CA — 4, 12
  • Hank Weilevy, Fairless Hills, PA — 4
  • Don Swain, Pontiac, MI — 5
  • Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA — 6, Topic
  • John Treusch, Burlington, NJ — 7 (Rookie!)
  • Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY — 8
  • Matt Moore, Fresno, CA — 9 (Rookie!)
  • Rick Welshans, Alexandria, VA — 10
  • Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA — 11
  • Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA — 12
  • Barbara McMahon, Ann Arbor, MI — 13
  • John Hering, Alexandria, VA — 14
  • Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC — 15
  • David Kass, Brooklyn, NY — Banner Tag
  • Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA — Runner Up list name
  • Chris White, New York, NY — List owner/moderator
  • The Chieftons, Ireland — Ambience
T5030298

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