Signs You’re at a Bad National Park

The list for June 24, 1997
The Top 16 Signs You’re
at a Bad National Park

  1. The only pictures Ansel Adams took of it were from inside the women’s shower.

  2. Joe Camel subbing for vacationing Smokey the Bear.

  3. Extremely troubled Head Ranger who blames anything that goes wrong on Scott Baio.

  4. A $20 cover and you still gotta pay extra for the lap dances.

  5. Malnourished bears holding signs that read "Will caper amusingly for food."

  6. According to posted signs, not only may you feed the animals, but afterward, you have a right to expect them to put out.

  7. Pauly Shore’s face is carved into the side of "Mount Paymore."

  8. Bears not only take your picnic basket at gunpoint, but also make off with your Ford Explorer.

  9. Your view of the scenery is blocked by reactor units #2 and #3.

  10. "Here we see the oldest mobile home formations in the entire White Trash National Park."

  11. Waterfalls seem to lose some of their majestic power whenever someone flushes a toilet.

  12. Proudly proclaims, "100 percent Spotted Owl Free!"

  13. When a squirrel runs by, park ranger bolts, screaming, "Run!! Run for your lives!!"

  14. Every couple hundred feet along the hiking trails — another Starbucks.

  15. "Old Faithful" turns out to be a vacationing Frank Gifford.
And the Number 1 Sign You’re at a Bad National Park…

  1. On the tour, you see more of the Grand Crack in the ranger’s ass than you do of the canyon.
.
CREDITS
Selected from 161 submissions from 58 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:

  • Sam Evans, Charleston, SC — 1, 9 (8th #1)
  • Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD — 2, 3
  • Jennifer Ritzinger, Seattle, WA — 2, 10
  • Jennifer Hart, Arlington, VA — 3
  • Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 3
  • Tisha Stacey, Lisle, IL — 4
  • Kermit Woodall, Richmond, VA — 5
  • Paul Paternoster, Redwood City, CA — 6
  • Larry Baum, Hong Kong — 7
  • Fred Hesby, Portland, OR — 8
  • R.M. Weiner, Brighton, MA — 9
  • Sue Prifogle, Rushville, IN — 10
  • John Voigt, Chicago, IL — 10
  • George Olson, Colorado Springs, CO — 11
  • Debbie Lander, Las Vegas, NV — 12
  • Keith Martin, Atlanta, GA — 12
  • David Hyatt, New York, NY — 13
  • Ed Smith, Chattanooga, TN — 14
  • Marsha Clodfelter, Corpus Christi, TX — 15
  • Martell Stroup, Reno, NV — 15
  • Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA — 16
  • Jeff Downey, Raleigh, NC — Topic
  • Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA — Topic
  • Chris White, New York, NY — List owner/editor
T5062497

Previous post:

Next post: