Signs You’re About to Have Septuplets

The list for December 2, 1997
The Top 16 Signs You’re
About to Have Septuplets

  1. When listening for fetal heartbeat, doctor hears sounds of a game of water polo.

  2. Your womb has more kicks than the Rockettes and those Riverdance bozos combined.

  3. On the way to the hospital, your water breaks and your convertible becomes a mobile hot tub.

  4. The turf war between local Pampers and Luvs sales reps is escalating.

  5. You feel extremely nauseous and distressed — and you’re not watching a Pauly Shore movie.

  6. Your water breaks to the sound of hammering and animals shuffling by in pairs.

  7. Well, it’s either setuplets or that 30 lb. ovarian cyst acting up again.

  8. Fire Marshall hassles you about being in violation of maximum occupancy laws.

  9. There are many people inside you and you’re not Madonna.

  10. Other pregnant women: as big as a house. You: as big as Bill Gates’s house.

  11. More nude children in your ultrasound picture than in Michael Jackson’s playroom.

  12. You’re dilated to the size of the Lincoln Tunnel and your doctor has started yodeling.

  13. Court order from Disney warning you to avoid copyright infringements when naming the children.

  14. Your sonogram had an intermission.

  15. Need to wear an extra watch because your body spans two time zones.
And the Number 1 Sign You’re About to Have Septuplets…

  1. Forget about gentle kicks — your abdomen feels like the mosh pit at a Green Day concert.
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CREDITS
Selected from 154 submissions from 58 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:

  • Kim Moser, New York, NY — 1 (5th #1)
  • Greg Sadosuk, Fairfax, VA — 2
  • Denis Rubin, Los Angeles, CA — 3
  • Martell Stroup, Reno, NV — 4, 9
  • Beth Kohl, Chicago, IL — 5, 11
  • Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA — 5
  • Hank Weilevy, Fairless Hills, PA — 6
  • Steve Hurd, San Ramon, CA — 7
  • Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC — 8
  • Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 9
  • Yoram Puius, Bronx, NY — 9
  • Don Swain, Pontiac, MI — 9
  • Barry T. Smith, Boulder Creek, CA — 10
  • Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD — 12
  • Tom Louderback, Boston, MA — 13
  • Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA — 14
  • Tony Hill, Minneapolis, MN — 15
  • Fred Hesby, Portland, OR — 15
  • Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — Banner Tag
  • LeMel Hebert-Williams, San Francisco, CA — 16
  • Marsha Clodfelter, Corpus Christi, TX — Topic
  • Chris White, New York, NY — List owner/editor
  • The Who, London, England — Ambience
T5120297

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