The list for May 18, 1998
The Top 16 Signs Your Teacher is Nuts
- Even though you’re all seniors, she insists on having show-‘n’-tell, just so she can show everyone that tattoo on her ass again.
- If you’re late you have to sit up front for a special lap dance.
- Finishes introducing himself by saying, "…and if I’d have known she was a statue, I wouldn’t have gone anywhere near her!"
- Every morning the "current events discussion" has the same topic: those panty-waist losers he served with in ‘Nam.
- Attempting to be cool. she says her college roommate was Lilith Fair.
- For the 182nd consecutive day: The Zapruder Film
- New haircut — check. Fresh clean blackboard — check. Puddle under desk — uh, oh.
- She insists that a 36 year old teacher actually had a baby with a 13 year old student.
- Refusing to admit summers over, sits on lawn chair at the front of the room and screams for the cabana boy to bring another Mai Tai.
- Eats paste ‘n’ crayon sandwiches that melt all over his shirt.
- Constantly hounding patent office about his revolutionary in-pants lesson plan filing system.
- Always cracks himself up by announcing, "Now we’re gonna go into Chapter 13… just like your parents!"
- She keeps a tip jar on her desk.
- Continually re-seats the class by outfit color, so if you squint your eyes it looks like Manet’s "Dejeuner sur L’Herbe."
- Says that if he had his way, the biology class would be dissecting "mall rats."
And the Number 1 Sign Your Teacher
- Constantly asking class if anyone knows how to get blood stains off a clown suit.
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CREDITS
Selected from 122 submissions from 39 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- David E. Spiro, Tucson, AZ — 1, 14 (2nd #1)
- Marsha Clodfelter, Corpus Christi, TX — 2
- David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO — 3
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA — 4
- Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA — 5
- John Treusch, Burlington, NJ — 6
- David W. James, Los Angeles, CA — 7
- John Gennity, Woodhaven, NY — 8
- Glenn Marcus, Washington, DC — 9
- Bob Mader, Knoxville, TN — 10
- Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC — 11
- Steve Hurd, San Ramon, CA — 12
- Tom Bestor, Oakland, CA — 13
- Ed Brooksbank, Sacramento, CA — 15
- Randy Wohl, Ma’ale Adumim, Israel — 16
- Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — Banner Tag
- Chester Wickstaff, Sugar Land, TX — Topic, RU List Name
- Chris White, New York, NY — List owner/moderator
- Van Halen, Los Angeles, CA — Ambience
T5051898
