The list for September 10, 1997
The Top 15 Signs Your Local
Girl Scout Troop Hates You
Girl Scout Troop Hates You
- *Your* box of Samoa cookies reads, “Made with real Samoans.”
- “Die Yuppie Scum” spelled out in Thin Mints across your driveway.
- That burning fleur-de-lis on your lawn.
- You’ve never heard of a “Peanut Butter with Glass Shards” flavor cookie.
- New oath: “A Girl Scout is Courteous and Kind to everyone, except for [YOUR NAME HERE]”
- Your picture is next to the “Bad Touching” section of the training materials.
- Troop meetings always end with a rousing game of “Kick Bob’s Ass.”
- The cookies in your box have enough needles in them to start your own sweatshop.
- Instead of helping you cross the street, they just give you a swift kick in the ass and push you into traffic.
- Your box of Thin Mints comes with all the chocolate licked off.
- When passing by your house, they flip you off and shout, “Kumbaya THIS!”
- Every scout on your block has earned her “Egg Bob Smith’s House” merit badge.
- For their “Animal Behavior” merit badge, they spay your dog.
- You wake up to find the head of a “My Little Pony” in your bed.
And the Number 1 Sign Your Local Girl Scout Troop Hates You…
- Burning macramé bag of Rover’s excretions left on your doorstep.
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CREDITS
Selected from 108 submissions from 44 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA — 1 (9th #1)
- Gail Celio, Athens, GA — 1, 15 (4th #1)
- Bill Gray, Waterloo, Ontario, Canada — 2
- Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 3
- Spike Jones, Atlanta, GA — 4
- John Voigt, Chicago, IL — 4
- R.M. Weiner, Brighton, MA — 4
- Cathie Walker, Victoria, BC, Canada — 5, 7
- Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL — 6
- Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA — 7
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA — 7
- Martell Stroup, Reno, NV — 8
- David Hyatt, New York, NY — 9
- Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC — 10
- Geoff Brown, Farmington Hills, MI — 11
- Kris Johnson, Burbank, CA — 12
- Sue Prifogle, Rushville, IN — 13
- Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY — 14
- Greg Sadosuk, Fairfax, VA — Banner Tag
- Jennifer Ritzinger, Seattle, WA — Topic
- Toad the Wet Sprocket, Santa Barbara, CA — Ambience
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