Signs Your Co-Workers are Hooked on “Melrose Place”

The list for April 16, 1997

The Top 16 Signs Your Co-Workers
are Hooked on “Melrose Place”

New labor contract lists “Mondays from
8:00pm – 9:00pm” as religious holidays.
Keeps bragging that she and Heather Locklear use the same mustache bleach.
They all wear skintight power suits with barely-there miniskirts — but your name is Frank and you work on the docks.
Your entire department moves to the same apartment complex.
No matter what you say, she always replies by screaming, “This is all part of your plan to get Billy into bed, isn’t it?”
They insist on answering the phone “D&D Advertising”, even though you work at the Dairy Queen.
That suspicious closed-door staff meeting every Tuesday morning from 8 to 9.
Last time Amanda and Billy had a falling out, 6 people called in “heartsick.”
Tuesday morning, 10:00 am: “9,240 minutes to Melrose… definitely 9,240 minutes…”
They’ve formed a cult named “Heather’s Gate” and are busy trying to shed their containers.
Can never get through an entire staff meeting without someone uttering the phrase “You conniving little bastard.”
You work at The Gap.
Who cares? We put “Melrose” in the list title and it triples the number of hits at our website! (http://www.topfive.com)
Network guru announces implementation of the new “Melrose ’95” operating system.
Tuesday morning pleasantries replaced by bitch slaps.

And the Number 1 Sign Your Co-Workers are Hooked on “Melrose Place”…

Last night there was a 3-alarmer and the only one who even got in the damned truck was the Dalmatian.

CREDITS

Selected from 97 submissions from 34 contributors.

Today’s list authors were:

T5041697