The list for May 31, 1996
The Top 16 Signs Your Cat
May Be Planning to Kill You
May Be Planning to Kill You
- Seems mighty chummy with the dog all of a sudden.
- Unexplained calls to F. Lee Bailey’s 900 number on your bill.
- He actually *does* have your tongue.
- You find a stash of "Feline of Fortune" magazines behind the couch.
- Cyanide pawprints all over the house.
- You wake up to find a bird’s head in your bed.
- As the wind blows over the grassy knoll in downtown Dallas, you get a faint whiff of catnip.
- Droppings in litter box spell out "REDRUM."
- Catch him with a new mohawk looking in the mirror saying, "Mew looking at me? Mew looking at me?"
- Takes attentive notes every time "Itchy and Scratchy" are on.
- You find blueprints for a Rube Goldgerg device that starts with a mouse chased into a hole and ends with flaming oil dumped on your bed.
- Has taken a sudden interest in the wood chipper.
- Instead of dead birds, leaves cartons of Marlboros on your doorstep.
- Ball of yarn playfully tied into a hangman’s noose.
- You find a piece of paper labeled "MY WIL" which says "LEEV AWL 2 KAT."
And the Number 1 Sign Your Cat May Be Planning to Kill You…
- Now sharpens claws on your car’s brake lines.
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CREDITS
Selected from 91 submissions by 27 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Kermit Woodall, Richmond, VA — 1
- Perry Friedman, Menlo Park, CA — 2
- Spike Jones, Atlanta, GA — 3, 10
- Galen Komatsu, Hawaii — 3
- Dave George, Arlington, VA — 4
- Gayle Ehrenman, New York, NY — 5, 16 (Rookie!)
- JB Leibovitch, Oakland, CA — 6, 13
- John Hering, Alexandria, VA — 7
- Christopher Troise, New York, NY — 8, 13
- Michelle Beres – Seattle, WA — 9
- Greg Sherwin, San Francisco, CA — 9
- Patrick Kachurek, Ann Arbor, MI — 11
- David Hyatt, New York, NY — 12
- Jeff Johnson, Daly City, CA — 13
- Rick Welshans, Alexandria, VA — 13
- Marshal Perlman, Minneapolis, MN — 14
- Tony Hill, Minneapolis, MN — 15
- Caroline Gennity, Queens, NY — Topic
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