Signs You Should Have Bought Flood Insurance

The list for January 6, 1997

The Top 13 Signs You Should
Have Bought Flood Insurance

That 25-pound carp in your boxer shorts.
You get in a shoving match for the couch with your tropical fish.
You can’t decide what is chaffing you more – your wet underwear or that damned Willard Scott and his friggin’ weather map.
Those “Amazing Growing Dinosaurs! (Just Add Water!)” of your kid’s have reached 30 feet in height and are still growing.
Kevin Costner spotted scouting locations nearby.
The electric shock from your vibrator wasn’t quite as erotic as you thought it would be.
That noise downstairs? Your Barcalounger bumping against the ceiling.
Your goldfish now gets his own food from the pantry.
That neighbor with the new boat wants to know if you happen to have a spare mated pair of lemurs.
Screw the spa — you’ve got a soothing mud bath in the family room.
Tidy Bowl Man gets a travelling jones and sets sail down the hallway.
Your toaster suddenly has a rinse cycle.

And the Number 1 Sign You Should Have Bought Flood Insurance…

As manager of the Mustang Ranch, you now insist that your clients wear *both* kinds of raincoats.

CREDITS

Selected from 91 submissions from 30 contributors.

Today’s list authors were:

T5010697