The list for May 29, 1996
The Top 17 Signs the Pope is Your Secret Admirer
- You receive a "Get out of Hell Free" card in the mail.
- Confesses he gets a "resurrection" just thinking about you.
- Replaces your communion wafer with a Godiva chocolate.
- No matter what the sin: 3 Hail Mary’s and a back massage.
- When you ask if he likes you, responds with, "Am I Catholic?"
- Changes "Hail Mary" to "Hail Kathy". Your name? Kathy.
- When he’s called to the chalkboard in your math class, has to hold his pointy hat in front of him.
- Always talking about the "first coming."
- Anonymous, racy e-mail traced to "bigcheese@vatican.org."
- "Except With the Pope" is added to the end of "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery."
- Keeps wanting to introduce you to "Pope Johnson."
- "Mirrors on the ceiling? That’s kid stuff. I’m talkin’ Michelangelo, Baby!"
- During confession, keeps saying "What do you like best about the church? Me?"
- Envelopes arrive marked "You May Already Be A Saint."
- Sends a Cardinal to find out if you like him.
- Trades in the pope-mobile for a Trans Am.
And the Number 1 Sign the Pope is Your Secret Admirer…
- You start receiving woolen unmentionables from Frederick’s of Warsaw.
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CREDITS
Selected from 89 submissions from 26 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Caroline Gennity, Queens, NY — 1, Topic
- Christopher Troise, New York, NY — 2, 8, 10, 12, 17
- Dave George, Arlington, VA — 3
- Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA — 4, 9
- Spike Jones, Atlanta, GA — 5, 11
- Joshua Wachs, Cambridge, MA — 6
- Ken Woo, Encinitas, CA — 7, 10
- Thomas W. Andrews, Omaha, NB — 9 (Rookie!)
- Tim Blankenbaker, Washington, DC — 9
- Tony Hill, Minneapolis, MN — 13
- Jim Louderback, New York, NY — 14
- Alan Wagner, Bayside, WI — 15
- Kim Moser, New York, NY — 16
- Rick Welshans, Alexandria, VA — 17
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