The list for December 24, 1996
The Top 16 Signs Christmas
Has Become Too Commercial
Has Become Too Commercial
- You don’t recall that line from It’s A Wonderful Life saying, “Every time a cash register rings, a customer enjoys never-before year-end savings at Try-N-Save!”
- Your kid makes a fortune trading in “Elmo futures.”
- Salad Shooter in hand, Michael Jordan shows up as the honorary “4th wise man” in new nativity scenes.
- The impossible-to-get “Tickle Me Jesus”
- Santa’s Coyote/Ford-powered sleigh came in second in this year’s Indy 500.
- Wise Men now arrive carrying Faux Gold, The Clapper and a Chia Pet.
- WWF presents “Oh, Holy Night” Cage Match pitting The Three Wise Men against Jumping Joseph, Manic Mary and the Dangerous Manger Boy!
- Santa goes to Yankees in blockbuster trade for the slightly heavier Cecil Fielder.
- Rudolph demands Holiday Pay or he walks.
- Santa’s North Pole operation announces a corporate downsizing amidst rumors that the Elf Division will be sold off to Keebler.
- Reindeer rights being purchased by Disney results in odd sounding, “On Doc, on Happy, on Grumpy, on Sneezy. Now Bashful, now Dopey, now Eisner and Sleepy.”
- $, the holiday formerly known as Christmas
- Rather large Nike logo emblazoned across His Holiness’s pointy hat during Midnight Mass at St. Peter’s.
- The Baby GAP’s line of Swaddling Clothes(TM)
- Michael Jackson buys all rights to the phrase “Ho, Ho, Ho” — an injunction limits Santa to “a bemused facial expression and laughter not exceeding two syllables.”
And the Number 1 Sign Christmas Has Become Too Commercial…
- Image of Virgin Mary appears in Dennis Rodman’s hair.
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CREDITS
Selected from 91 submissions from 34 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Rob Winchell, Arlington, MA — 1 (3rd #1)
- George Olson, Colorado Springs, CO — 2, 14
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 3
- Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA — 4, 10
- Ed Smith, Chattanooga, TN — 5, 13
- Chris Gleason, Germantown, MD — 6
- Paul Paternoster, Redwood City, CA — 7
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA — 8
- David W. James, Los Angeles, CA — 9
- Sam Evans, Charleston, SC — 11
- Spike Jones, Atlanta, GA — 12
- Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD — 13
- David Bryant, Columbia, MD — 14
- Jeff Downey, Raleigh, NC — 15
- Kate d’Oliveira, Ft. Lauderdale, FL — 16
- Debbie Lander, Las Vegas, NV — Topic
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