The list for April 14, 1997
The Top 15 Side-Effects
of the Giant Solar Flare
of the Giant Solar Flare
- George Lucas suddenly decides to add a character named “Skippy, the Dancing Jedi” to the next Star Wars film.
- You’re in for a rather nasty burn without your SPF7000 sunblock.
- Threats to “stick it where the sun don’t shine” rendered momentarily impotent.
- For the first time ever, George Hamilton hesitates before going outside.
- For one very brief moment, startled users connect to America Online.
- Do, momentarily stunned by the bright light, steers the ship right into Hale-Bopp.
- Sales of Preparation H soar due to “sympathy flares.”
- OJ stops golfing for a minute, looks around and says, “I don’t see any killers here,” and resumes play.
- Terrified Eskimos send frantic plea for help to Godzilla. (Oops! That’d be a side-effect of a Giant *Polar Bear.*)
- Additional melted snow in Minnesota makes it the “Land of 1 Really Big-Ass Lake.”
- Helicopters begin dumping water on Don King’s hair.
- Disruption of hair dryers everywhere leads to TV news anchor mass suicide.
- Malfunction in Al Gore’s circuitry causes people to confuse him with Jim Carrey.
- Baywatch babes no longer baked, but now fried to a crackly crunch.
And the Number 1 Side-Effect of the Giant Solar Flare…
- “Porpoise Melt” suddenly becomes Sea World’s featured sandwich of the day.
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CREDITS
Selected from 107 submissions from 41 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Marsha Clodfelter, Corpus Christi, TX — 1 (1st #1!)
- Sam Evans, Charleston, SC — 2
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA — 3
- Jeff Downey, Raleigh, NC — 4, 5
- Kim Moser, New York, NY — 5, 13
- Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA — 5
- Steve Hurd, San Ramon, CA — 6, 14
- Ed Smith, Chattanooga, TN — 7
- John Hering, Alexandria, VA — 7
- Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA — 7
- Alexander Clemens, San Francisco, CA — 8
- Michael Wolf, Brookline, MA — 9
- Paul Seaburn, Houston, TX — 9
- Paul Paternoster, Redwood City, CA — 9
- Ken Shinodo, Keizer, OR — 9
- David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO — 9
- Blair Bostick, Alexandria, VA — 10
- David W. James, Los Angeles, CA — 11
- Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD — 11, 12
- Sue Prifogle, Rushville, IN — 12
- Greg Pettit, Houston, TX — 13
- Robyn Andrews, Greenville, SC — 14
- Chris Gleason, Germantown, MD — 15
- Richard Jefferson, Durham, NC — Topic
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