Rejected Ways to Celebrate the 500th Top 5 List

The list for February 24, 1998
The Top 15 Rejected Ways to
Celebrate the 500th Top 5 List

  1. First annual "Mr. Nude Top 5 Contributor" pageant to be held live on the Internet.

  2. Sponsor the "Top 5 List" car in the Daytona 500 ("We was runnin’ real good till be blowed a punch line.")

  3. Finally take that dream vacation to Baghdad.

  4. The same way you celebrated Mother’s Day, Cletus: homemade wine and cheap hookers.

  5. Announce "Top 5 Tofu Burrito Bash / Skating Party" with $500 of ad space on Scott Hamilton’s forehead.

  6. Change chat-room nickname from "AmishStud" to "Top5Rulz!"

  7. End the "Moron vs. Lazy" debate by finally making list contain exactly five items.

  8. Begin intense, hands-on research for the "Top Five Alcoholic Drinks" list.

  9. Get "The Top Five List: 499 And Counting" tattoo updated again.

  10. Nothing says, "I Love The Top 5!" like an assassination attempt on Pauly Shore.

  11. Party like its 1998.

  12. Gather in Times Square to watch Chris White’s pants drop.

  13. "5 bottles of beer on the wall! 5 bottles of beer! Take one down and pass it around, 14 bottles of beer on the wall!"

  14. Ah, what the hell — Let’s take another shot at that "Nagano" topic!

  15. Gather in Times Square to watch Chris White’s pants drop.
And the Number 1 Rejected Way to Celebrate the 500th Top 5 List…

  1. Windows Sources interns for everybody!
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CREDITS
Selected from 119 submissions from 43 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:

  • Ed Smith, Chattanooga, TN — 1, 3 (9th #1)
  • Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL — 1 (7th #1)
  • Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA — 2, 5
  • Marsha Clodfelter, Corpus Christi, TX — 4
  • Jennifer Hart, Arlington, VA — 4
  • Michael Wolf, Brookline, MA — 4
  • Alan Smithee, Sugar Land, TX — 4
  • Gregory Swarthout, Murray, UT — 6, 10
  • R.M. Weiner, Somerville, MA — 7
  • Kim Moser, New York, NY — 8
  • Geoff Brown, Farmington Hills, MI — 9
  • Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC — 11, 15, Banner Tag
  • Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA — 12
  • Don Swain, Pontiac, MI — 13
  • John Hering, Alexandria, VA — 14
  • Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA — 16
  • Tracy Lunquist, whereabouts unknown — Topic
  • Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA — Runner Up list name
  • Chris White, New York, NY — List owner/moderator
  • Kool and The Gang, Jersey City, NJ — Ambience
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