The list for March 10, 1998
The Top 15 Motherhood Tips for Jodie Foster
- Let Demi and Bruce’s kids play with the toy guns in the package from Mr. Hinckley first.
- Just one more movie and you got yourself an Oscar mobile!
- Counting sheep to go to sleep will work only *before* it gets a look at your video library.
- As far as actual birthing goes, we highly recommend using a stunt double.
- Absolutely NO dates with Mohawk-sporting cab drivers until she’s at least 16.
- Your Golden Globes may require a dress shield, if you know what I mean.
- Hollywood types are phonies and kids need laughter. Why not settle down with a Top 5 contributor?
- Nicknaming the poor kid “Little Man Lactate” could result in him getting his butt kicked every day for the rest of his life.
- Rejected scripts can be used as baby wipes.
- Unlike “Contact”, a good bedtime story should take less than two hours to get to its childish conclusion.
- A short piercing cry = “I’m hungry!” A long sustained wail = “Turn that crappy ‘Maverick’ video off!”
- Whatever you do, DON’T pick Edward James Olmos as the godfather.
- Not available from Gerber’s: Strained fava beans and liver with Chianti
- For when baby starts asking questions: “Your father was a dashing Italian rogue named Envitro Fertilio.”
And the Number 1 Motherhood Tip for Jodie Foster…
- Need a sitter for Oscar night? Remember:
Joanne Woodward, yes. Louise Woodward, no.
.
CREDITS
Selected from 112 submissions from 42 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Tony Hill, Minneapolis, MN — 1 (17th #1) /
- Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA — 2, RU list name
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA — 3, 4 /
- Beth Kohl, Chicago, IL — 3
- Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC — 3
- David Kass, Brooklyn, NY — 5, 8
- Duncan Haberly, Moscow, Russia — 6
- Cathie Walker, Victoria, BC, Canada — 7 >
- Josh Fruhlinger, Oakland, CA — 9
- Don Swain, Pontiac, MI — 9
- Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD — 10
- Jason Anderson, Birmingham, AL — 11
- Matt Loiselle, Detroit, MI — 11
- Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 12
- David W. James, Los Angeles, CA — 13
- Peg Warner, Exeter, NH — 14
- Mark Schmidt, Santa Cruz, CA — 15
- Kevin Freels, Sun Valley, CA — Topic
- LeMel Hebert-Williams, San Francisco, CA — Banner Tag
- Boyz II Men, Philadelphia, PA — Ambience
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