The list for February 17, 1998
The Top 16 Figure Skater Pet Peeves
- Mom keeps blowing that airhorn during your performances.
- Mandatory after-competition drug sampling gets prime time coverage.
- 3 tenths of a point taken away for wearing a helmet. 6 tenths taken away for cracking head open during the “Death Spiral.”
- TV coverage prevents you from shooting a snot rocket while waiting for your scores.
- The sumo wrestlers are usually too drunk to put out.
- That damn Tara Lipinski thinks they’ll just *give* her the gold medal for sleeping with the President.
- The unending pursuit to do the never-before-performed Double Axel Foley.
- Global live satellite network allows over 4 billion people to see your monster wedgie.
- When the women gymnasts snicker, “Hey, how’s the air up there?”
- Noise from Oksana’s leg cuffs can be distracting.
- Russian judges blatantly favor women skaters with facial hair.
- No good place to hide the colostomy bag.
- Points not given for impressive forehead since Scott Hamilton retired.
- At 15, you win the gold medal. At 16, you’re playing “Wacky Rabbit” in the Ice Capades.
- Difficult to hide an excited “Little Skater”, if you know what I mean.
And the Number 1 Figure Skater Pet Peeve…
- President Clinton always phoning in with the same advice: “Skin to win!”
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CREDITS
Selected from 107 submissions from 50 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- John Voigt, Chicago, IL — 1, 3 (14th #1)
- Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC — 2
- Spike Jones, Atlanta, GA — 3
- Kris Johnson, Burbank, CA — 4
- Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 5, Banner Tag
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA — 6 /
- Marsha Clodfelter, Corpus Christi, TX — 7, 15
- Alan Smithee, Sugar Land, TX — 7
- Peter Bauer, Rochester, NY — 8
- Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA — 9
- Ed Brooksbank, Sacramento, CA — 9
- Phil Doyle, Mercer Island, WA — 9
- Josh Fruhlinger, Oakland, CA — 9
- John Gennity, Woodhaven, NY — 9
- Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA — 10
- Annie Fisher, Philadelphia, PA — 11
- Alexander Clemens, San Francisco, CA — 12
- Sam Evans, Charleston, SC — 13 /
- Paul Paternoster, Redwood City, CA — 14, Topic
- Mitch Patterson, Atlanta, GA — 16
- Foreigner, UK & USA — Ambience
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