The list for March 18, 1997
The Top 15 Excuses for Avoiding Jury Duty
- “‘Biodome’ and ‘In the Army Now’ both sucked, why should this one be any different?”
- “My new diet requires me to eat a quart of beans every 15 minutes.”
- “I’m currently under treatment for ‘menage a twelve’ addiction.”
- “My religion forbids me removing my beer hat!”
- “Your puny Earth laws are no concern of mine, magistrate.”
- “Pick me, Your Honor — I can *smell* guilt!”
- “Dear sirs pleeze excuze Matt from jury dooty his grandma dide. Sinseerly, Matt’s mom.”
- “Do I get to slap the scumbags around like Detective Sipowicz?”
- “Your Honor, *any* jury I’M on would be hung.”
- “I wouldn’t want to destroy my remaining shred of faith in the judicial system by actually seeing it in action.”
- “I’m Judge Wapner and ALL you sons of bitches are guilty!”
- “I’m unable to sit in the jury box without barking and crying out for Arsenio.”
- “I couldn’t possibly be impartial– the defendant is my arch-enemy, and I’m… Cheddar Man!”
- “Tastes great? Less Filling? Both sound pretty convincing to me.”
And the Number 1 Excuse for Avoiding Jury Duty…
- “I just can’t stop giggling whenever someone says, ‘All rise.'”
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CREDITS
Selected from 121 submissions from 39 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Jason Anderson, Birmingham, AL — 1, 6 (1st #1!)
- John Voigt, Chicago, IL — 2
- Matt Diamond, Holland, PA — 3, 7, 9
- Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA — 4
- Paul Paternoster, Redwood City, CA — 5
- Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 7
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 7, 15
- Mitch Patterson, Atlanta, GA — 8, 10
- Jesse Garon, San Francisco, CA — 11
- Ed Brooksbank, Sacramento, CA — 12
- Marsha Clodfelter, Corpus Christi, TX — 13, 14
- Steve Hurd, San Ramon, CA — 14
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA — 14
- Ken Woo, Encinitas, CA — 15
- Sterling Smith, Houston, TX — 15
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA — 15
- Rob Seulowitz, New York, NY — 15
- Kris Johnson, Burbank, CA — 15
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