The list for April 15, 1998
The Top 16 Differences in
the New, Friendlier IRS
the New, Friendlier IRS
- Old form: “1040” New form: “10-40, Good Buddy!”
- Prank “Get Out of Jail Free” card sent with audit notice.
- After particularly painful audits, agents don dark glasses and flash “Men In Black” memory eraser thingy in your face.
- “Tax shelters” now referred to as “Thatched-Roof Income Cottages.”
- Coffee and tea served while agents wait for Viagra pills to take effect.
- Instead of kicking you in the family jewels with an iron boot, agents now kick you in the family jewels with a more forgiving penny loafer.
- All audits conducted in the comfort of Willie Nelson’s former home.
- Rectal probes now warmed to room temperature before audits.
- Just say “Supersize It!” and Janet Reno will personally conduct your audit.
- New motto: “Two things are certain: FUN And Taxes!”
- Rifle butt to the head now accompanied by “Please” and “Thank you.”
- Threatening form letters now lightly scented with CK One and begin, “It’s Audit-Doody Time!”
- Either pay required fines, or go double-or-nothing in a game of whack-a-mole.
- Agents now required to start with “Hi, my name is Jim, and I’ll be screwing you today.”
- Those new commercials featuring a turtleneck-clad George Clooney and catchy “Fork Over, America” jingle.
And the Number 1 Difference in the New, Friendlier IRS…
- Unless that’s a typo, looks like you’re getting an Audi this year!
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CREDITS
Selected from 152 submissions from 56 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Beth Kohl, Chicago, IL — 1, 8 (5th #1)
- John Treusch, Burlington, NJ — 2
- Alexander Clemens, San Francisco, CA — 3
- William Gray, San Jose, CA — 4
- David Hyatt, New York, NY — 5
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 5
- Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA — 5, RU list name
- Matt Loiselle, Detroit, MI — 6
- Michael Wolf, Brookline, MA — 7
- Josh Fruhlinger, Oakland, CA — 9
- Tony Hill, Minneapolis, MN — 10 /
- Jason Anderson, Birmingham, AL — 11
- Christopher Troise, New York, NY — 12
- Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA — 13
- Tisha Stacey, Lisle, IL — 14
- Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA — 15
- John Hering, Alexandria, VA — 16
- Jennifer Markes, West Hollywood, CA — 16
- Jay Allen, Long Beach, CA — Topic
- Mark Schmidt, Santa Cruz, CA — Topic
- Dave Henry, Slidell, LA — Banner Tag
- R.M. Weiner, Somerville, MA — Ambience suggestions
- George Harrison, Liverpool, England — Ambience
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