The list for February 13, 2013
The Top 20 Dark Moments in Romance History
- 200,000 BCE: Early human "bonking on the head and dragging by the hair" mating behavior paves the way for "Jersey Shore."
- 1993: Lorena Bobbitt decides it’s Take Your Husband’s Penis to Work Day.
- 1763: Martha Washington insists on separate bedrooms after one instance too many of genital splinters.
- 1907: Young Adolph Hitler is spurned by Sadie Rabinowitz.
- 1000 BCE: First diamonds discovered, depriving countless generations of men of a quarter of their income.
- 1596: Desperate to pay off some gambling debts, playwright Bill Shakespeare quickly dashes off a rough draft of "As You Like It" — which becomes a huge hit, thus dooming mankind to a never-ending stream of contrived romcoms.
- 1962: Joanie dumps Chachi.
- 1845: Bad for romance, good for literature — Edgar Allen Poe’s raven-haired mistress leaves him, shouting "Nevermore!"
- 1966: 20-year-old college student Bill Clinton hears Mitch Ryder’s "Devil With a Blue Dress On."
- 1923: Mrs. J. Edgar Hoover’s provocative suggestion "Why don’t we try out THIS little number?" is badly misinterpreted.
- 46 BCE: Mark Antony to Cleopatra: "No, baby, NO! I said ‘Nice ass.’"
- 1997: Eddie Murphy learns that the woman with whom he’d been flirting *actually* said, "I’m Vera, with a wang."
- 1992: On their wedding night, Bobby Brown fails to deliver the blow; disappointed wife Whitney Houston responds in kind.
- 1994: Jim and Michelle Duggar’s cable goes out.
- February 14, 50,0000 BCE: Caveman Trog, in an attempt to impress the female Aooga, gives her some flowering plants that he gathered.
- 1947: Caught in bed with his crazy neighbor’s hot wife, Chuck Yeager breaks the sound barrier on foot.
- 1536: Anne Boleyn finally gives Henry VIII some head.
- 1996: Kay Jewelers begins its "Every kiss begins with Kay" campaign, totally screwing Eff Jewelers out of a truly memorable slogan.
- 1992: Amy Fisher tests the hypothesis that a way to a man’s heart is through his wife’s face.
And the Number 1 Dark Moment in Romance History…
- 1851: Siamese twins Cheng and Eng Bunker invent the threesome, then keep it a secret.
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CREDITS
Selected from 68 submissions from 25 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Jay Shuck, Minneapolis, MN — 1 (7th #1)
- Mark D. Sabien, What Cheer, IA — 2
- Donald Johnson, Cincinnati, OH — 3, 16, 17 (Hat trick!)
- Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL — 4, 10
- Kevin Dopart, Washington, DC — 4
- Travis Ruetenik, Hiroshima, Japan — 5, 20
- Paul Wiley, Westtown, NY — 6, 15
- David Kass, Queens, NY — 7
- Roy Skogstrom, Pepeekeo, HI — 8
- Adela Branson, Soda Springs, ID — 9
- Brad Hamer, Austin, TX — 11
- Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA — 12
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA — 13, 18
- Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA — 14
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ — 19
- Donald Junter, New Haven, CT — Banner Tag
- Chris White, Olympia, WA — List owner/editor
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