The list for July 10, 1998
NOTE FROM CHRIS:
For our non-USA readers:
The National Rifle Association (NRA) is an
American organization which promotes the right of
every American citizen to own guns. Recently when
they needed a new president for their organization,
they did what we Americans often do and elected a
has-been actor, former movie star Charlton Heston.
The Top 13 Changes Chuck Heston
Has Made in the NRA
Has Made in the NRA
- Opened new target range next to Barbara Streisand’s house.
- New bumper sticker: "Get Your Stinkin’ Paws Off Us, You Damn Dirty Liberals!"
- Commemorative Ben Hur handles for all AK-47’s purchased before the new millennium.
- Promoting new Cub Scout "Large Caliber" merit badge.
- Gave acting lessons so NRA reps can now say, "Guns don’t kill people, people kill people," with a straight face.
- Instituted new "Cooperate with federal law enforcement agencies instead of shooting at them" policy.
- Painted Al Gore like a mallard and announced, "It’s duck season!!"
- Hired that Chris White guy to do a goofy "Top 13 Ways to Misinterpret the 2nd Amendment" list.
- Decorated national HQ office with huge "9 Commandments" mural.
- New NRA slogan: "You can take my gun only after you pry it from my kid’s cold, dead fingers."
- Used Moses’ biggest trick for new "Parting of Reason" campaign.
- Offered free ammo for new members with more teeth than fingers.
And the Number 1 Change Chuck Heston has Made in the NRA…
- Hired Joe Camel to head up the new "NRA for Kids" division.
.
CREDITS
Selected from 128 submissions from 47 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC — 1 (10th #1)
- John Treusch, Burlington, NJ — 2
- Lev L. Spiro, L.A., CA — 3, 12, 13 (Hat trick!)
- Ed Smith, Chattanooga, TN — 4
- Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA — 5, Runner Up List Name
- Jeff Downey, Raleigh, NC– 6, 8
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA — 7
- Marsha Clodfelter, Corpus Christi, TX — 9
- Paul Lara, Temple, TX — 10
- Barbara McMahon, Ann Arbor, MI — 11
- Chris Gleason, Gaithersburg, MD — 12
- Paul Paternoster, Redwood City, CA — 12, 12
- David Kass, Brooklyn, NY — Topic
- Beth Kohl, Chicago, IL — Topic
- Craig Stacey, Lisle, IL — Topic
- Annie Fisher, Philadelphia, PA — Ambience Suggestion
- Chris White, New York, NY– List owner/editor
- Ted Nugent, Detroit, MI — Ambience
T5071098
