Benefits of Being a Teen Millionaire

The list for April 12, 2013

NOTE FROM CHRIS:

Yahoo! made headlines two weeks ago when it
acquired Summly, a startup run by 17-year-old
CEO Nick D’Aloisio, for $30 million.

The Top 17 Benefits of
Being a Teen Millionaire

Even Mayor Bloomberg is afraid to tell you that you can’t supersize your Coke.
Bullies who steal your lunch money are too weighed down to escape.
Although you can’t yet drive to the airport, the FAA lets you fly your Learjet to the Skrillex jam.
Impress McKayla Maroney.
You don’t have to make an ass of yourself on YouTube to get Kate Upton to agree to be your prom date.
You can pay others to be brooding and socially awkward for you.
All the Skittles you can eat for the next few centuries
Can quit your paper route, which is fortunate since your app made newspapers obsolete.
Your garage band just got a lot better now that you’re flying in Jimmy Page.
Hand-made artisanal acne cream
Watching the star quarterback’s jaw drop when you bring a bevy of hookers to the homecoming dance.
You can get an American Express Platinum hall pass.
More girls on your face than pimples
Pinewood Derby car designed by Lockheed-Martin
MILFs magically become MIHFs.
"Mom, can we order a Pizza Hut?"

And the Number 1 Benefit of Being a Teen Millionaire…

Buy Cee Lo’s girlfriend a Ferrari, then be the guest of honor at the most passionate live-in-person performance of a Grammy-winning song in history.

CREDITS

Selected from 69 submissions from 28 contributors.

Today’s list authors were:

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