The list for October 16, 2013
NOTE FROM CHRIS:
It’s baaaaaack — that horrendous mommyporn novel
that somehow manages to keep making news. This time,
it’s because the actor tabbed for one of the leads in
“Fifty Shades of Grey” has decided to pull out (heh).
That leaves Dakota Johnson, daughter of Don Johnson and
Melanie Griffith, without anyone to paddle her behind
in the movie version of the novel about a virginal
recent college grad who falls for the charms of a
young billionaire who’s into sulking and mild bondage.
that somehow manages to keep making news. This time,
it’s because the actor tabbed for one of the leads in
“Fifty Shades of Grey” has decided to pull out (heh).
That leaves Dakota Johnson, daughter of Don Johnson and
Melanie Griffith, without anyone to paddle her behind
in the movie version of the novel about a virginal
recent college grad who falls for the charms of a
young billionaire who’s into sulking and mild bondage.
I say let’s replace her, too, and take
things in a entirely different direction.
Here are twenty better shades of casting…
The Top 20 Alternate Suggestions
for “Fifty Shades” Casting
for “Fifty Shades” Casting
- Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan: Middle-aged Seattle widower introduces ditzy East Coast reporter to the brutal pleasure of insomnia.
- Johnny Knoxville and Steve-O: The daring duo get tied up and kicked down a flight of stairs —- and that’s just the first scene.
- Al Pacino and Michelle Pfeiffer: A coked-up Cuban drug lord wants to introduce his drunken, sexpot wife to his little metal friend.
- Spalding Gray: Actor/author delivers an autobiographical monologue about his antique lamp collection.
- Marlee Matlin and Michael J. Fox: A woman accustomed to guys who talk with their hands is totally smitten by a one whose fingers naturally vibrate.
- Anthony Hopkins and Jodie Foster: An FBI cadet is consumed by a relationship with an older man whose devouring appetite for pleasures of the flesh is flavored by impeccable taste.
- Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal: A rodeo cowboy teaches a ranch hand what "hogtied" really means.
- Johnny Depp and Winona Ryder: Sweet suburban girl falls for sullen black-leather-clad fellow with both pain and pleasure at his fingertips in "Fifty Blades of Grey."
- Bud Abbott and Lou Costello: Forget the player’s name, let’s redefine that whole getting to first-base thing.
- Charlie Brown and Lucy van Pelt: A young dominatrix with a fetish for yanking balls tortures an over-trusting boy. His pain and frustration escalate, but he clearly has a habit he can’t kick.
- Hume Cronyn and Jessica Tandy: Granny knots. Nothing but granny knots.
- Sean Connery and Alec Baldwin: A Soviet captain and a CIA analyst purposely disregard "Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell" to investigate multiple ways of playing "Hide the Submarine."
- Tiger and Elin Woods: Can a world famous golfer/sex-addict come up with even MORE insane ways to humiliate his former wife?
- Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez: You know when these two get together on screen, the audience will share their pain.
- John McCain and Sarah Palin: An experienced politician and former POW learns real torture when he takes a young but ambitious Alaskan governor under his wing.
- Moe and Shemp Howard: Because nobody can handle a cream pie like these two do.
- Carrie Fisher and James Earl Jones: A royal sexual neophyte is introduced to the erotic pleasures of force-choke erotic asphyxiation.
- Ashton Kutcher and Seann William Scott: A pair of stoners awake from a night of partying and can’t remember where they left their nine-tailed pleasure implement in "Dude, Where’s My Cat?"
- Keanu Reeves and Carrie-Anne Moss: After learning reality is actually a computerized simulation enslaving humanity, Neo and Trinity get into sunglass-and-leather-trenchcoat bondage in "Fifty Shades: The DomiMatrix." Tagline?
And the Number 1 Alternate Suggestion for “Fifty Shades” Casting…
- Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan: Two men explore their unbridled passion until things get extremely dangerous because neither can understand the other’s pronunciation of the safeword.
.
CREDITS
Selected from 59 submissions from 24 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Danny Gallagher, McKinney, TX — 1 (38th #1)
- Paul Wiley, Westtown, NY — 2, 6, 18 (Hat trick!)
- Andy Krakowski, Alexandria, VA — 3, 7, 11 (Hat trick!)
- Donald Johnson, Cincinnati, OH — 4
- Richard Skora, Columbus, OH — 5
- Adela Branson, Soda Springs, ID — 8
- Jeff Johnson, Los Altos, CA — 9
- Kim Moser, New York, NY — 10, 19
- Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA — 12
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA — 13, 15, 17 (Hat trick!)
- Mark Zinck, Grand Rapids, MI — 14
- Michael Whitmire, Houston, TX — 16
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ — 20
- Donald Junter, New Haven, CT — Banner Tag
- Chris White, Olympia, WA — List owner/editor
T5101613.shtml
