The list for October 14, 2013
NOTE FROM CHRIS:
Christopher Columbus’ reputation has taken
a beating in recent years. But surely, the dude
had to have a FEW redeeming qualities, right?
a beating in recent years. But surely, the dude
had to have a FEW redeeming qualities, right?
The Top 20 GOOD Things About
Christopher Columbus
Christopher Columbus
- Was first step in chain of events that resulted in the Doritos Locos Taco Supreme.
- Did his damnedest to teach the natives not to trust white men.
- At least he wasn’t a damn America-hating socialist!
- His complete failure to find the West Indies makes the iPhone’s Maps app look somewhat useable.
- Overworked government employees needed another long weekend, dammit.
- The Butterfly Effect/Chaos Theory Equation proves that had he not made the trip, all lands west of the Rocky Mountains would be ruled by Her Imperial Bootiness, Empress Kardashian the Sixth.
- If it weren’t for Columbus, Tony Soprano would’ve been Erik Otterbjork.
- Assisted the Native Americans in developing a working population control methodology.
- Introduced the three "T’s" to Europe: tobacco, tomahawks and twerking.
- If not for him, we’d have to hit #2 if we wanted to speak to customer service in English and then have to deal with someone from India.
- Saved untold millions from a future of learning the rules of cricket.
- Without his huge popularity, it’s doubtful we’d ever have developed the melodious shorthand moniker "Topher."
- Named one of his boats after that "99 Luftballoons" chick.
- Helped us learn to be sensitive to the cultural difference between redskin Indians and curry Indians.
- A landmark character in American fiction was inspired by Columbus’ first mate, Fernando de Gilligan.
- Prevented anyone from having to live in Erik the Red, Ohio.
- Say what you will, but we all loved the raincoat and the way he chomped that cigar while solving crimes.
- Americans can’t remember history if it don’t rhyme!
- Discovered wild savages who would attack anyone not of their tribe; luckily, he had the foresight to continue south from Washington, DC and find civilization.
And the Number 1 GOOD Thing About Christopher Columbus…
- Rocked a pair of velvet knickers like nobody’s business.
.
CREDITS
Selected from 85 submissions from 33 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 1, 20 (116th #1)
- Vic Vitek, Hopewell Junction, NY — 2, 12
- Jay Shuck, Minneapolis, MN — 3, 5
- Brad Osberg, Calgary, Canada — 4
- David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO — 4
- Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA — 4
- Donald Johnson, Cincinnati, OH — 5
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA — 6
- Kim Moser, New York, NY — 7
- Jill Gallagher, Seattle, WA — 8, 16
- Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL — 9
- Michael Whitmire, Houston, TX — 10
- Trish Jensen, Reedsville, PA — 11
- Mark Weiss, Austin, TX — 13
- Paul Wiley, Westtown, NY — 13, 19
- Mark Zinck, Grand Rapids, MI — 14
- Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH — 15
- Danny Gallagher, McKinney, TX — 17
- Caryn Kennealy, Glendale, CA — 18
- Donald Junter, New Haven, CT — Banner Tag
- Chris White, Olympia, WA — List owner/editor
T5101413.shtml
