Social Distancing Pickup Lines

The list for March 26, 2020
Everyone keeping their distance?
Practicing safe, sanitary habits?

It’s not easy hooking up in this strange new world,
but where there’s a libido, there’s a way.

The Top 17 Social Distancing Pickup Lines

  1. Is that a roll of TP in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

  2. Looks to me like you’re a symptomatic transmitter of the hotness virus.

  3. N95 masks and chill?

  4. Your eyes are like pools of moonlight, and the mystery of what’s under that HAZMAT suit is driving me wild!

  5. I’m totally safe! I’ve actually been in isolation since 2016. Is the reality show guy still president?

  6. You take what’s left of my breath away.

  7. Baby, your mask is saying "Stand 10 feet away," but your eyes are saying "Stand 6 feet away."

  8. Much like our healthcare system, I promise to disappoint you repeatedly.

  9. You might be infected, but just like my respiratory cells’ angiotensin-converting enzyme 2, I can’t resist you!

  10. No, I’m pretty sure it said, "shelter on my face."

  11. If I said you had a beautiful body would you keep it six fuckin’ feet away from me, for Christ’s sake?!

  12. Are those real? Because I’d be pretty excited if your bra is stuffed with toilet paper.

  13. I wouldn’t date you if you were the last person on Earth. However, I reserve the right to revisit that decision in a few weeks if necessary.

  14. What’s a nice guy like you doing in a non-essential business like this? No, really, we’re closed! Go home right now, you moron!

  15. Baby, you make me want to spray droplets all night.

  16. Are you a highly-trafficked area? Because I’ve been wiping down your surfaces in my head all night.
And the Number 1 Social Distancing Pickup Line…

Selected from 140 submissions from 48 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:

  • Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH — 1 (113th #1)
  • Slick Sharkey, Clayton, GA — 2, 7
  • Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 3, 13
  • Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA — 4
  • Andrea Kelly, Brookeville, MD — 4
  • Kim Moser, New York, NY — 5, 7
  • Jim Woodruff, Hoover, AL — 6, 17
  • Steve Hurd, Oakland, CA — 6
  • Danny Gallagher, McKinney, TX — 7
  • Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 7
  • Greg Preece, Toronto, Canada — 7
  • Paul Wiley, Westtown, NY — 7
  • Jim G. Phynn, Horsham, PA — 7
  • Whit Watson, Winter Park, FL — 8
  • Mark Schmidt, Paris, France — 9
  • Brandon Eldridge, St. Louis, MO — 10
  • Michael Whitmire, Houston, TX — 11
  • Geoff Brown, Cleveland, OH — 12, 17
  • Bruce W. Alter, Fairfax Station, VA — 14
  • Martin Bredeck, Hybla Valley, VA — 14
  • Jeffrey Anbinder, Brooklyn, NY — 15
  • Larry Hollister, Concord, CA — 16
  • Chris White, Olympia, WA — List moderator, Banner Tag

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