The list for June 4, 1998
The Top 16 Worst Fortune Cookie Fortunes
- "What, three servings of Moo Shoo Pork weren’t enough for you, tubby?"
- "Your fullness will be short-lived. Like an hour, tops."
- "Put all your money and jewelry in the egg roll and nobody gets hurt."
- "It takes a tough man to make tender chicken from a cat."
- "You will meet a tall, dark man, not a stranger, who will kill you. He will kill Ron also."
- "This coupon good for free 1-year subscription to Window Sources magazine."
- "Today’s dog in alley is tomorrow’s moo goo gai pan."
- "Spouse mad at you. No get special ‘wonton pork’ tonight, Chester."
- "Patron who mocks waiter’s accent will unwittingly consume chef’s bodily fluids."
- "A wise man tips 20% to avoid severe tire damage."
- "An 87 year old hooker awaits you. Alright, let’s see you add ‘…between the sheets’ to that one, smart guy."
- "Man who look to stale cookie for advice probably make good busboy. Ask waitress for application."
- "Hope you enjoyed your dinner, Mr. Bond."
- "Wipe that drool off your chin. That waitress you’re ogling is Mr. Woo’s number one son."
- "Your strength lies in your continued belief that what you just ate was indeed duck."
And the Number 1 Worst Fortune Cookie Fortune…
- "Creative Chinese chef without utensils can still find way to stir the soup."
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CREDITS
Selected from 112 submissions from 41 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- David W. James, Los Angeles, CA — 1 (14th #1)
- Martell Stroup, Boston, MA — 2
- Don Swain, Pontiac, MI — 3, 5
- Beth Kohl, Chicago, IL — 4
- Larry Baum, Hong Kong — 6
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 7
- Ken Shinodo, Keizer, OR — 7, Topic
- John Treusch, Burlington, NJ — 8
- Carla Brandon, San Diego, CA — 9
- Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA — 10
- Rob Seulowitz, New York, NY — 11
- Keith Martin, Atlanta, GA — 12
- M.J. Finan, Cleveland, OH — 13
- Paul Seaburn, Houston, TX — 14
- Jennifer Bieneman, Grand Rapids, MI — 15
- David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO — 15
- Matt Chaput, Calgary, Alberta, Canada — 16
- Dave Henry, Slidell, LA — Topic
- Kris Kettner, Fond du Lac, WI — Banner Tag
- Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA — RU List Name
- Wang Chung, London, England — Ambience
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