The list for August 12, 1997
The Top 15 Ways to Send Packages
During the UPS Strike
During the UPS Strike
- Use FedEx’s new “Not Very Important” class.
- Looks like that battalion of army ants you’ve been training can be used for more than just conquering the world.
- Mark package “For Clinton Defense Fund” and give it to any Chinese dude.
- Throw them in Santa’s sleigh, then mark out the pages in his Filofax up to December 24th.
- Dress it up as a woman, place it on a street corner, wait for Eddie Murphy.
- First: Lash package to Frank Gifford’s back. Next: Tie Frank Gifford to rocket. Finally: Rerun hotel room video for Kathie Lee.
- Use “TeamsterMail” — Wrap it in newspaper with a dead fish.
- “Hey Jimmy, instead of cutting my grass this week, how’d you like to ride your bike to Chicago?”
- For quick shuttle between Boulder and Brentwood, stick it in Geraldo’s video truck.
- Hands Across America II
- Wrap it around a pipe bomb and wait for Richard Jewell to pick it up.
- “Pony Express ’97” — Actually just three guys and a Ford Mustang
- In New York City: carrier rat.
- Two words: Big-ass slingshot
And the Number 1 Way to Send Packages During the UPS Strike…
- With my “package”, I alone do the deliverin’, if you know what I mean.
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CREDITS
Selected from 98 submissions from 36 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Steve Hurd, San Ramon, CA — 1 (10th #1)
- Jason Anderson, Birmingham, AL — 2, 13
- Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA — 2
- Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA — 2
- Martell Stroup, Reno, NV — 2
- Jennifer Ritzinger, Seattle, WA — 3
- Greg Sadosuk, Fairfax, VA — 4, Banner tag
- Tony Hill, Minneapolis, MN — 5, 7
- Marc Cukier, Toronto, Canada — 5
- Mitch Patterson, Atlanta, GA — 5
- Sue Prifogle, Rushville, IN — 5
- Bo Williams, Huntsville, AL — 6, 8, 15
- David Kass, Brooklyn, NY — 6
- Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL — 6
- Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 9
- Peg Warner, Derry, NH — 10, Topic
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 11, 12
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA — 11
- Matt Loiselle, Detroit, MI — 14
- The Police, London, England — Ambience
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