The list for July 31, 1996
The Top 15 Ways To Get Princess Di To Notice You
- Bribe her tatoo artist into puting your name and phone number on her ass.
- Jump in the Royal Yugo with Camilla and do donuts on her Kensington lawn.
- Devote a Top 5 topic to her and forward a copy to dethroned@buckingham.org.
- Display conspicuous signs of inbreeding.
- Stake your claim on the royal crown by pulling one of those tiny plastic swords from an olive.
- Paint your princely visage on the lid of her royal toilet.
- Chug a pitcher of beer and then belch a chorus of “God Save the Queen.”
- A scepter, because princesses dig scepters.
- Tell her how much better her hair looks now that she no longer has Tiara-Head.
- Get the treasured spot next to her in step aerobics and fake a grand mal seizure during “Funkytown.”
- Put on your best purple robe, pop on the Burger King crown, and let the chips fall where they may.
- At the next soiree, have yourself announced as “Lord Studley-Welthey.”
- Plow your 4×4 into the waiting paparazzi outside Windsor Castle.
- Nothing special — just be sweet, kind, charming, and intelligent. And don’t forget to buy her a shiny new Jag every couple of weeks.
And the Number 1 Way To Get Princess Di To Notice You…
- Get a job as a beefeater at the Tower of London, and yell “Boo!” when she walks by.
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CREDITS
Selected from 109 submissions by 37 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Paul Paternoster, Redwood City, CA — 1, Topic
- David Hyatt, New York, NY — 2
- Gene/Cynthia Markins-Dieden, New Haven, CT — 3
- Jennifer Hart, Arlington, VA — 4
- Joel McClure, Sterling Heights, MI — 5
- Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA — 6, 8, 13
- Cathie Walker, Victoria, BC, Cananda — 7 >
- Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL — 8
- Spike Jones, Atlanta, GA — 8
- Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD — 9
- Tony Hill, Minneapolis, MN — 10
- Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC — 11
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA — 12
- Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA — 14
- Dennis Koho, Keizer, OR — 15
- Chris White, NY, NY — Listmeister
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