Ways to Celebrate “United Nations Day” Today

by | Oct 24, 1996 | Uncategorized | 0 comments

The list for October 24, 1996
The Top 16 Ways to Celebrate
“United Nations Day” Today

  1. Play “It’s a Small World” nonstop through the headphones of the General Assembly until they all agree upon world peace.

  2. Foreign countries get 50% off on all U.S. real estate and national forests.

  3. Just for grins, have Security Council pretend to vote Canada out.

  4. Host a breakfast for deposed dictators at nearby International House of Pancakes.

  5. Put on a blue helmet, run up a huge tab at the local watering hole, then declare diplomatic immunity.

  6. Send Peacekeeping Force on Stoli Raid to Moscow.

  7. Run Jeanne Kirkpatrick’s underwear up the UN flagpole.

  8. From your throne, declare your country “Bathroomia” then apply for UN membership.

  9. Wear your pants backwards and tell everyone you’re enforcing your own personal no-fly zone.

  10. Same as last year: slam a 6-pack of brew and watch the World Series.

  11. Phone Jeane Kirkpatrick and tell her you’re having a missle crisis in your pants.

  12. Demand economic assistance and airlifted supplies from people in surrounding cubicles.

  13. Give nifty doorprize to UN agency whose acronym has the highest point score in Scrabble.

  14. French toast, Belgian waffles, and three Black Russians for breakfast.

  15. Take Canary Islands delegation to see “Cats” and watch the feathers fly!
And the Number 1 Way to Celebrate “United Nations Day” Today…

  1. Grab your sweetie, form your own “Security Council,” then veto each other’s brains out.
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CREDITS
Selected from 102 submissions by 32 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:

  • Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 1, 6 (1st #1!)
  • Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD — 2, 16
  • Norman Kenney, Carlsbad, CA — 3
  • David Hyatt, New York, NY — 3
  • David E. Spiro, Tucson, AZ — 4
  • Mitch Patterson, Melbourne, FL — 5
  • Matt Alford, Salem, OR — 7
  • Craig Stacey, St. Paul, MN — 8
  • David W. James, Los Angeles, CA — 9
  • Kermit Woodall, Richmond, VA — 10
  • Greg Sadosuk, Fairfax, VA — 11, 14
  • Tom Louderback, Breckenridge, CO — 12
  • Chris Gleason, Germantown, MD — 12
  • Rob Winchell, Arlington, MA — 13
  • Matt Diamond, Holland, PA — 15
  • Sam Evans, Charleston, SC — Topic
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