The list for June 17, 1997
The Top 15 Ways to Beat the Heat in Hollywood
- Pee Wee Herman: Duck into an adult movie theater… huh?… Oh, *heat*??… Nevermind.
- Robert Downey, Jr. only breaks into houses with pools.
- George Clooney: Crushed ice in the ol’ bat-codpiece.
- Marlon Brando: Lay on the beach until a crowd gathers to pull you back into the water.
- Tim Allen and Kelsey Grammer: Vodka Frappuccinos.
- O.J. Simpson: Enjoy the chilly stares and icy receptions.
- Axl Rose: Four gallons of crank and a couple hookers usually does the trick.
- Tori Spelling: Install intracranial fan to keep air circulating.
- Enjoying a nice palm frond fan by otherwise unemployed Pam Dawber.
- Menage a trois with Ice Cube and Ice T.
- Michael Jackson has another layer of skin removed.
- Playing Frisbee with Burt Reynolds’ toupee in the shade of Dolly Parton.
- Tom Cruise & Nicole Kidman: Lighten that heavy purse at the nearest Scientology deposit box.
- Frank Gifford: Find hotel near the sea. Remove pants.
And the Number 1 Way to Beat the Heat in Hollywood…
- Pamela Anderson Lee: Drain saline. Replace with Slurpees.
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CREDITS
Selected from 115 submissions from 38 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- John Voigt, Chicago, IL — 1, 2, 10 (9th #1)
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 1, 4 (10th #1)
- Phil Doyle, Mercer Island, WA — 3
- Rob Seulowitz, New York, NY — 4
- Ed Brooksbank, Sacramento, CA — 5, 15
- Jennifer Ritzinger, Seattle, WA — 5
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA — 6, 12
- David Kass, Brooklyn, NY — 7
- Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA — 8, 15
- Alexander Clemens, San Francisco, CA — 9
- Cathie Walker, Victoria, BC, Canada — 11 >
- Martell Stroup, Reno, NV — 12
- Jennifer Hart, Arlington, VA — 13
- Don Horton, Sacramento, CA — 14
- David Bryant, Columbia, MD — 15
- Hank Weilevy, Fairless Hills, PA — 15
- Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC — 15
- Paul Lara, Temple, TX — 15
- Paul Paternoster, Redwood City, CA — 15
- Alan Smithee, Sugar Land, TX — Topic
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