The list for June 6, 1996
The Top 16 Ways to Annoy a Supermodel
- Repeatedly ask, “What was your last name again?”
- Ask her if she’s going to finish that lettuce leaf.
- Every week, adjust her scale to add an additional pound or two (Wait — that’s the way to *kill* a supermodel).
- Consistently baffle her with multisyllabic words and compound sentences.
- Force her to share a runway with a 747.
- Whoopie Cushion Shoulder Pads.
- Taunt her with the Pythagorean Theorem and a slice of pizza.
- Follow her everywhere, mumbling, “Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful.”
- Make her wear that loose-fitting size 2 outfit.
- Secretly replace her methamphetamines with new “Folgers Crystals Methamphetamines.”
- Move fashion meccas from New York, Paris, and Milan to Newark, Vladivastok, and Anchorage.
- Constantly demand a display of her Superhuman powers.
- Tell her that global-warming will eventually lead to the erosion of collagen.
- Before fixing dinner, ask her if she’d rather throw-up meatloaf or throw-up spaghetti.
- Keep asking, “Are you the one who’s married to Billy Joel?”
And the Number 1 Way to Annoy a Supermodel…
- Two words: CK wedgies.
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CREDITS
Selected from 103 submissions by 32 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD — 1 (Hall of Famer)
- Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA — 2
- Dave George, Arlington, VA — 3, 7
- JB Leibovitch, Oakland, CA — 4
- Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC — 5
- Sam Maranto, Baltimore, MD — 6
- Sam Evans, Charleston, SC — 8, 12 (Hall of Famer)
- Lee Oeth, San Diego, CA — 9
- Ken Woo, Encinitas, CA — 10 (Hall of Famer)
- Geoffrey Marsh, Beltsville, MD — 11
- Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL — 13, 15
- Lev Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 13
- Caroline Gennity, Queens, NY — 14, Topic
- Kermit Woodall, Richmond, VA — 16
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