The list for September 26, 1996
The Top 16 Ways Ross Perot Is
Stretching His Campaign Budget
Stretching His Campaign Budget
- 30 Minute infomercials: 15 minutes on economic policies, 15 minutes on The Amazing Abdomenizer.
- Now charges regular mechanic rates for “getting under the hood to see what’s wrong.”
- Declared every registered voter in the country as part of his “Friends & Family.”
- Found plenty of loose $1000 bills searching under couch cushions at home.
- “Big sucking sound” is campaign headquarters moving to Tijuana.
- That Nike logo tattoo on his ear brought in a cool million.
- Charts and graphs replaced by Chutes ‘N’ Ladders game.
- Only campaigning in the 37 states where he owns a Fortune 500 company.
- “Forgot” to tell confused Admiral Stockdale to stop campaigning.
- Getting free TV exposure by standing outside the Today Show window.
- Switched from Gigantic Freak Size Q-Tips to Regular Size.
- Saves airfare by having supporters carry him state-to-state piggyback.
- Entire entourage now travels in a clown car.
- Top advisors limited to $2-a-night call girls.
- Sold all his shoe lifts to George Stephanopoulos.
And the Number 1 Way Ross Perot Is Stretching His Campaign Budget…
- Reluctantly accepted campaign contribution from the American Society for Short, Tyrannical, Weasily Little Guys.
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CREDITS
Selected from 131 submissions by 44 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Jeffrey House, Detroit, MI — 1 (1st #1!)
- Don Horton, Sacramento, CA — 2
- Chris Gleason, Germantown, MD — 3
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA — 4
- Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 5, 9
- Rob Winchell, Arlington, MA — 6
- Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC — 7, 14
- George Olson, Colorado Springs, CO — 8, 16
- Kermit Woodall, Richmond, VA — 10
- Galen Tatsuo Komatsu, Hawaii! — 10
- David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO — 11
- Jim Louderback, Boston, MA — 11
- Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA — 11
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 11
- Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA — 12
- Paul Paternoster, Redwood City, CA — 13
- Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA — 15
- Steve Hurd, San Ramon, CA — 16
- Craig Stacey, St. Paul, MN — 16
- Greg Pettit, Houston, TX — 16
- Allen Cohn, San Francisco, CA — Topic
- Chris White, NY, NY — Listmeister
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