The list for September 25, 2013
NOTE FROM CHRIS:
Well, the children are fighting again.
Regardless of which side of Congress you may
blame for the inability to come to an agreement,
the U.S. is again facing a possible shutdown
of the federal government on October 1.
The Top 17 Ways a Government
Shutdown Could Affect Us
Shutdown Could Affect Us
- Furloughed soldiers watch helplessly as the U.S. is simultaneously invaded by Canada and Mexico.
- With all workers at home, the DMV wait times actually decrease.
- Six weeks of unmonitored porn!
- Naval vessels will be propelled by baking soda and vinegar.
- With no asses to kiss, corporate lobbyists are forced to create their own "circle smooch."
- Airlines drift back to their 1953 stewardess-grabbing, walking-out-on-the-tarmac, onboard-smoking, kids-riding-in-the-cockpit heyday.
- Could possibly delay Walter White’s inevitable murder trial.
- No gas for black helicopters.
- The Obamas have to run an extension cord from Maryland to power the White House refrigerator.
- Joe Biden’s "Gaffe Prevention" program loses funding, forcing him to go off his medications and start spouting random lines from Monty Python movies.
- Presidential White House Galas reduced to 27 per month.
- Temporarily unable to wager on NFL games with food stamps, folks will attempt to persuade bookies to accept aluminum cans and lawn ornaments from around the neighborhood.
- Surprise! The exact same number of bi-partisan bills are passed DURING the shutdown as in the two years before it.
- I guess we’ll just be stuck having to watch only C-SPAN Classic.
- With nothing to talk about, political pundits are forced to make fun of Canadians and their king.
- Fingerprinting of newly arrested criminals will be outsourced to Apple’s iPhone division.
And the Number 1 Way a Government Shutdown Could Affect Us…
- With no FCC, Bert and Ernie finally get to visit a bathhouse.
.
CREDITS
Selected from 64 submissions from 24 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Michael Whitmire, Houston, TX — 1 (22nd #1)
- Jim G. Phynn, Horsham, PA — 2
- Scott Witmer, Hanover, PA — 3, 9
- Kevin Dopart, Washington, DC — 4
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA — 5
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA — 6, 17
- David Zechiel, Lake Forest, CA — 7
- Shaune R. Stark, Cedar Park, TX — 8
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA — 10
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ — 11
- Nathan C. Sherman, Bellevue, WA — 12, 15
- Gretchen Kinka, Brookfield, IL — 13
- Bruce W. Alter, Fairfax Station, VA — 14
- Jeremy Shelley, Possum Trot, KY — 16
- Donald Junter, New Haven, CT — Banner Tag
- Chris White, Olympia, WA — List owner/editor
T5092513.shtml
