Topics Guaranteed to Get the Top 5 List in Hot Water (Condemned version)

The list for November 13, 1997
The Top 17 Topics Guaranteed to Get
The Top 5 List in Hot Water
(Condemned version)

  1. Reasons to Sodomize Newborn Babies (How’s *THAT* for starting off with a bang? — CW)

  2. Police Uses for Toilet Plungers

  3. Mean Pranks to Play on Ronald Reagan

  4. Federal Buildings Someone Really Ought to Blow Up

  5. Favorite Papal Intercourse Positions

  6. Signs that Jews Really Do Control Absolutely Everything in the World, Including This List

  7. Endings for a Limerick Which Begins “A Girl Scout Troop Based in Nantucket”

  8. Jesus Christ Pick-Up Lines

  9. Signs the Window Sources Editor Has a Tofu Burrito Shoved Up His Ass Sideways

  10. Sexual Fantasies Involving Princess Diana – Dead Or Alive

  11. People Who Could Make Fred Goldman Rich by Killing His Other Children

  12. Punchlines from the Vietnam War

  13. Signs a Girl Scout is on the Rag

  14. Believable Explanations for Your Wife’s Black Eyes

  15. Songs that Would Be Funnier if You Replaced the Word “You” with “Jew”

  16. Euphemisms for Anal Sex
And the Number 1 Topic Guaranteed to Get The Top 5 List in Hot Water…

  1. Reasons Louise Woodward Should Be Drawn and Quartered Like the Unrepentant Baby-Killer She Is
.
CREDITS
Selected from 210 submissions from 53 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:

  • Jeff Downey, Raleigh, NC — 1 (6th #1)
  • Paul Paternoster, Redwood City, CA — 2 (Hall of Famer)
  • Troy Roberson, Birmingham, AL — 3, Topic
  • Denis Rubin, Los Angeles, CA — 4
  • Beth Kohl, Chicago, IL — 5
  • William Gray, San Jose, CA — 6
  • Tony Hill, Minneapolis, MN — 7 (Hall of Famer)
  • Greg Sadosuk, Fairfax, VA — 8
  • Rob Seulowitz, New York, NY — 8, 14
  • Don Swain, Pontiac, MI — 9
  • Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA — 10 (Hall of Famer)
  • Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC — 11
  • Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 12 (Hall of Famer)
  • Matt Loiselle, Detroit, MI — 13
  • Natasha Filipovic, New York, NY — 15
  • Marsha Clodfelter, Corpus Christi, TX — 16
  • David Hyatt, New York, NY — 17
  • Alan Smithee, Sugar Land, TX — Banner Tag
  • Ministry, wherever the fuck they live — Ambience
  • Chris White, New York, NY — List owner/editor
Tx111397

Previous post:

Next post: