The list for January 28, 1997
The Top 12 Things You Don’t Want
to Hear From Tech Support

  1. “Do you have a sledgehammer or a brick handy?”

  2. “…that’s right, not even MacGyver could fix it.”

  3. “So — what are you wearing?”

  4. “Duuuuuude! Bummer!”

  5. “Looks like you’re gonna need some new dilithium crystals, Cap’n.”

  6. “Press 1 for Support. Press 2 if you’re with 60 Minutes. Press 3 if you’re with the FTC.”

  7. “We can fix this, but you’re gonna need a butter knife, a roll of duct tape, and a car battery.”

  8. “I’m sorry, Dave. I’m afraid I can’t do that.”

  9. “In layman’s terms, we call that the Hindenburg Effect.”

  10. “Hold on a second… Mom! Timmy’s hitting me!”

  11. “Okay, turn to page 523 in your copy of Dianetics.”
And the Number 1 Thing You Don’t Want to Hear From Tech Support…

  1. “Please hold for Mr. Gates’ attorney.”
.
CREDITS
Selected from 83 submissions from 31 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:

  • George Olson, Colorado Springs, CO — 1 (9th #1)
  • R.M. Weiner, Brighton, MA — 2
  • John Voigt, Chicago, IL — 3, 10
  • Alan Smithee, Sugar Land, TX — 4, 8
  • Jeff Downey, Raleigh, NC — 5
  • Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA — 6, 10
  • Kermit Woodall, Richmond, VA — 7
  • Alexander Clemens, San Francisco, CA — 9
  • Jennifer Ritzinger, Seattle, WA — 10
  • David W. James, Los Angeles, CA — 11
  • Bob Mader, Knoxville TN — 12
  • Chris White, New York, NY — Listmeister
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