The list for May 17, 1996
The Top 17 Things That Would Change
If Madonna Were Your Scout Leader
If Madonna Were Your Scout Leader
- Old Scout Motto of “Be Prepared” takes on a whole new meaning.
- Metallic brassieres come in handy for cooking in wilderness.
- That new troop “salute.”
- No longer a troop — you’re now an entourage.
- Water Safety course now held in hooker-filled jacuzzi.
- “Helping Old Lady Across the Street” image replaced by “Helping NBA Players into Bed.”
- “Like a virgin” now close enough — actual viginity not necessary.
- Program finally accomplishes goal of turning boys into men.
- Scouts learn to start a fire with only one stick, if you know what I mean.
- New troop motto: “If the tent’s a-rockin’, don’t come a-knockin’.”
- Can now get pharmaceutical-grade narcotics instead of that crap our old den mother had.
- Cat O’ Nine Tails extension added to Swiss Army knife.
- Everywhere you look, scouts are “pitching tents.”
- Jamboree now involves buckets of real jam.
- Field trip: Clean two miles of Hollywood Freeway with “Litter Collected by Madonna” sign.
- New rank – Spread Eagle Scout.
And the Number 1 Thing That Would Change If Madonna Were Your Scout Leader…
- Finally, somebody in the Scouts who has actually kissed a girl!
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CREDITS
Selected from 122 submissions by 36 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Dave George, Arlington, VA — 1, 7, 13, 16
- Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC — 2, 17 (Rookie!)
- JB Leibovitch, Oakland, CA — 3
- Jim Louderback, New York, NY — 4
- Tom Louderback, Breckenridge, CO — 5 (Rookie!)
- Ken Woo, Encinitas, CA — 5
- Caroline Gennity, Queens, NY — 5, 14
- Alan Smithee, Sugar Land, TX — 6 (Rookie!)
- Ed Brooksbank, Sacramento, CA — 8
- David Hyatt, New York, NY — 9, 15
- Steve Hurd, San Ramon, CA — 10
- Ken Shinodo, Keizer, OR — 11, 17
- Sam Evans, Charleston, SC — 12
- Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA — 17
- Spike Jones, Atlanta, GA — 17
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