Things Overheard in a Rest-Home Brothel

The list for May 17, 2013
NOTE FROM CHRIS:
A 75-year-old resident of a New Jersey senior
citizen housing complex is suspected of
running a prostitution ring that employed
some elderly residents as sex workers.
The Top 18 Things Overheard
in a Rest-Home Brothel

  1. "Ever do it in the back seat of a Hoveround?"

  2. "No,the other tube. That’s my Poli-Grip."

  3. "You still owe full price, Murray. There’s no early bird specials for coming quickly."

  4. "No thanks. I’ve already been around the world."

  5. "That wasn’t my orgasm face, you moron — that was my broke-my-hip face."

  6. "How much to listen to me talk about my grandkids?"

  7. "TEN BUCKS?!? Back in the day, I got it for two bits!"

  8. "Excuse me, sir. The spinners and street-glo on your Rascal lead me to believe you are the pimp."

  9. "Did we have sex already?"

  10. "Of course I let ’em in the back door. Opens me up better than Metamucil."

  11. "I keep the tennis ball on the end for stability."

  12. "When I asked for a 69, I meant her age."

  13. "Hey, you damn kids! Get off of my wife!"

  14. "Do you accept Confederate currency?"

  15. "Shift backward honey, my boob is caught under your rocking chair."

  16. "Or you can sample all three holes — we call that the ‘gerihattrick.’"

  17. "Say my name, bitch! Seriously, I can’t remember it!"
And the Number 1 Thing Overheard in a Rest-Home Brothel…

  1. "It’s lasted more than four hours. I don’t know if it’s the pill he took or rigor mortis."
.
CREDITS
Selected from 90 submissions from 32 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:

  • Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA — 1 (55th #1)
  • Vic Vitek, Hopewell Junction, NY — 1 (6th #1)
  • Jay Shuck, Minneapolis, MN — 2
  • Roy Skogstrom, Pepeekeo, HI — 3
  • Donald Johnson, Cincinnati, OH — 4, 6, 16 (Hat trick!)
  • Curtis Stoddard, Cedar Hills, UT — 5
  • Scott Witmer, Hanover, PA — 7, 18
  • Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 8, 13
  • Mark Weiss, Austin, TX — 9
  • Lori Petterson, Fairfax, VA — 10, 12
  • Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH — 11, 16
  • Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ — 14
  • Glenn Marcus, Washington, DC — 15
  • Nathan C. Sherman, Bellevue, WA — 17
  • Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA — 17
  • Jill Gallagher, Seattle, WA — Topic
  • Donald Junter, New Haven, CT — Banner Tag
  • Chris White, Olympia, WA — List owner/editor
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