Things Overheard at After-Oscar Parties

The list for March 24, 1998
The Top 16 Things Overheard
at After-Oscar Parties

  1. “Look out, Scientologist at four o’clock!”

  2. “So who was that topless woman, and just what the hell does ‘Leo-Bomb’ mean, anyway?”

  3. “I don’t know about the Best Movie award tonight, but upstairs some people are enjoying a Spike Lee Joint that’s a REAL winner.”

  4. “Hide your checkbooks. Costner’s here!”

  5. “Hey, Leonardo! Is that a pencil in your pants, or are you just happy to see me?”

  6. “I may be 87 years old, but I can still drink *your* sorry ass under the table, Sonny!”

  7. “Hey, no kids in here!!! …Oh, sorry, Mr. DiCaprio.”

  8. “Sure, sure — I remember you from Home Alone, kid. Just park my Benz in a good spot.”

  9. “Waiter, Mr. Reynolds’ hair is in my soup.”

  10. “Psst. Which syringe do I use to shoot-up during salad?”

  11. “Oh my God, she’s wearing the same implants I am!!”

  12. “Sure, thousands of women just begging to let me sketch them nude, but not Judy Dench. No! Billion dollar teen heart-throb not good enough for Dame friggin’ Judy!”

  13. “Knockwurst, Mr. Wahlberg?”

  14. “Waiter, where’s the restroom? I’ve got a full Monty.”

  15. “I thought you had ‘Best Portrayal of Innocence’ all sewn up, Mr. President, but I guess that Woodward girl just wanted it more.”
And the Number 1 Thing Overheard at After-Oscar Parties…

  1. “Mom! Woody Allen’s humping my leg!”
.
CREDITS
Selected from 101 submissions from 37 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:

  • John Voigt, Chicago, IL — 1, 6 (15th #1)
  • William Gray, San Jose, CA — 2, 7
  • John Hering, Alexandria, VA — 3
  • Jennifer Markes, West Hollywood, CA — 4
  • David Kass, Brooklyn, NY — 5, 8
  • David W. James, Los Angeles, CA — 8, Topic
  • Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 9
  • Phil Doyle, Mercer Island, WA — 10
  • Peter Rogers, Boston, MA — 11
  • Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA — 12
  • Ed Smith, Chattanooga, TN — 13, 14
  • Don Swain, Pontiac, MI — 15
  • Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA — 16
  • Dave Henry, Slidell, LA — Banner Tag
  • Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA — RU list name
  • Oscar Peterson, New York, NY — Ambience
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