The list for July 22, 1996
The Top 20 Things Our Moderator
Did on His Birthday Yesterday
Did on His Birthday Yesterday
- Got free breakfast at Denny’s, and subsequent free double bypass at St. Luke’s.
- Same as any other day: sold some blood and blew the proceeds on malt liquor and cheesecake.
- Giddily ate S’mores and did the hokey-pokey well into the night.
- Phoned his cousin Cletus to try and patch things up after that Tractor Pull misunderstanding.
- Yet another wild drunken romp through Chuck E Cheese’s.
- Top Five List fan Michael Irvin dropped by with drugs & hookers.
- Combed Playboy collection looking for centerfolds born on the same day.
- Tater Tots, a case of Bud, and Olympic Synchronized Swimming!
- Before opening each present, declared “…and the number 1 present is…”
- Continued annual ritual of harrassing calls to 911 to report a “Disco Inferno in my pants.”
- Since Madonna is still suffering morning sickness, just stayed home and chilled.
- Selected 20 birthday candles from 123 varieties by 58 manufacturers.
- Read old Top Five Lists to entertain the party guest.
- Dressed like Marilyn Monroe and sang breathy renditions of “Happy Birthday” into mirror.
- Hopped into the ’55 Chevy and went cruisin’ for cafeteria ladies with Bob Dole.
- Annual clipping of the toenails.
- Same thing as every year: Crack open a chilled Colt45, blow the dust off the ol’ “Karma Chameleon” single, take the phone off the hook, and par-TAY.
- Sat around with Bomb Squad pals, drinking beer and opening presents from rejected contributors.
- Pulled head out of ass. Saw shadow. Twelve more months of lists.
And the Number 1 Thing Our Moderator Did on His Birthday Yesterday…
- Sent himself flowers, took himself out to dinner, invited himself up for a drink, and damn near got lucky.
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CREDITS
Selected from 82 submissions by 21 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Dennis Koho, Keizer, OR — 1 (3rd #1)
- David Hyatt, New York, NY — 2
- Greg Pettit, Houston, TX — 3, 20
- Sterling Smith, Houston, TX — 4
- Sam Evans, Charleston, SC — 5
- Jennifer Hart, Arlington, VA — 6
- Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA — 7, 19
- Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA — 8
- Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 9
- Kermit Woodall, Richmond, VA — 10
- John Voigt, Chicago, IL — 11
- Spike Jones, Atlanta, GA — 12
- Rob Winchell, Arlington, MA — 13, 20
- Alan Smithee, Sugar Land, TX — 13
- Mitch Patterson, Melbourne, FL — 14
- Steve Hurd, San Ramon, CA — 15
- Michael Wolf, Brookline, MA — 16
- Matt Diamond, Holland, PA — 17
- Erik Bell, New York, NY — 18
- John Hering, Alexandria, VA — 20
- Joel McClure, Sterling Heights, MI — 20
- Chris White, NY, NY — Listmeister
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