Things Not to Say in a Job Interview

The list for June 13, 1994

The Top 22 Things Not to Say in a Job Interview

“…and I always try to present a professional image. By the way, did I mention that I’m not wearing any underwear?”
“Can we make this quick? Oprah’s on in 15 minutes.”
“This job is merely a stepping stone towards my ultimate goal of becoming the Almighty Supreme Being.”
“Convicted of a felony? No, but I’d certainly like to try.”
“Say, didn’t I see you on 60 Minutes?”
“Could you notify my parole officer that I’ve found a job?”
“You will only refer to me as ‘Mistress Ken’, and you will speak only after I beat the answer out of your weak, but willing, flesh. Understand?”
“Damn! Your nose hairs are long enough to braid!”
“Where’s the men’s room? I gotta big-time wedgie.”
“When ya been in da’ big house as long as me, ya don’t need no office wid no window.”
“I ain’t never used no computer, but I reckon I could give it a whirl.”
“You gonna eat the rest of that sandwich?”
“What will I be doing in 5 years? Watching you beg for your job, pal.”
“Hey, pull my finger!”
“Don’t you want me to turn my head and cough?”
“When I saw Sally Struthers endorsing it, I knew it was the college for me.”
“So the presidential motorcade passes right under this window, eh?”
“References, schmeferences — We’re talking trust here, babe.”
“Ooh! Ooh! I got a good one! Gimme a match, quick!!”
“My salary requirements? Just keep those Corn Nuts a-comin’!”
“Qualifications? I got your qualifications right here!”

And the Number 1 Thing Not to Say in a Job Interview…

CREDITS

Today’s list authors were:

T5061394