Surprises the Chinese Will Discover About Hong Kong

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The list for July 2, 1997
The Top 16 Surprises the Chinese
Will Discover About Hong Kong

  1. Wacky British pranksters have supplied street urchins with plenty of cream pies & pudding balloons.

  2. Local police won’t take bushel of rice as a bribe.

  3. If you go carrying pictures of Chairman Mao, you ain’t gonna make it with anyone anyhow.

  4. 21-gun salutes aren’t actually intended to kill 21 demonstrators.

  5. Everywhere you look: bronze statues of “Hong Kong Phooey.”

  6. No matter how many times they’re imprisoned as political dissidents, Hong Kong citizens will never be weaned off of endlessly reciting old Monty Python sketches.

  7. Wealthiest landowner is none other than Jed Clampett.

  8. Now that Jackie Chan has refused, the government has to find a new Ambassador of Ass-Kicking.

  9. Wimpy Capitalists unable to take more than 5 or 10 minutes of brutal interrogation before expiring.

  10. Confused Clarence Thomas milling about, looking for Hong Kong Silver.

  11. Favorite flavor at Ben and Jerry’s? “Mao Sucks.”

  12. No tank HOV lanes.

  13. Insisting it wasn’t part of the deal, China refuses to accept Great Britain’s attempt to “return” Fergie.

  14. An hour later, you want to reclaim another state.

  15. That Peter Jennings guy sure can trash a hotel room.
And the Number 1 Surprise the Chinese Will Discover About Hong Kong…

  1. If everybody skootches over, you can fit 100 million people in here!
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CREDITS
Selected from 114 submissions from 41 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:

  • George Olson, Colorado Springs, CO — 1 (11th #1)
  • Joel McClure, Sterling Heights, MI — 2
  • Rob Winchell, Arlington, MA — 3, 7
  • Barbara Rush, Tulsa, OK — 4
  • Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA — 5
  • Jeff Downey, Raleigh, NC — 6
  • Hank Weilevy, Fairless Hills, PA — 8
  • Kris Johnson, Burbank, CA — 9
  • Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA — 10, 13
  • David Kass, Brooklyn, NY — 11
  • Phil Doyle, Mercer Island, WA — 12
  • Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC — 14
  • Greg Sadosuk, Fairfax, VA — 15
  • Matt Loiselle, Detroit, MI — 16
  • China Crisis, London, England — Ambience
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