The list for May 1, 1997
The Top 15 Surprises on the
Special Episode of “Ellen”
Special Episode of “Ellen”
- Episode pre-empted in Birmingham, Alabama, for weekly showing of Deliverance.
- Ellen’s not gay at all! He’s just a lonely guy who wanted to get in the sack with Laura Dern.
- Unable to “fight biology,” Ellen quits the book store to become a gym teacher.
- In surprise ending, Laura Dern is devoured by jealous female Tyrannosaurus Rex.
- Ralph Reed guests as a recruiter from The Citadel.
- “Coming up next… a *VERY* special ‘Blossom.'”
- Ellen makes an impassioned plea for recognizing homosexuals as “normal” people, barely surpressing her desire to Uzi a Wendy’s.
- Ellen’s not only a lesbian — she’s also the Lesbian Club president.
- The name of the show is changed to “Hot Girl-Girl Action!”
- Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson get into a fistfight over who gets to throw the first stone.
- Special cameo appearance by Jerry Mathers as The Beaver.
- Daisy Duck admits to a shocked Michael Eisner that she’s never REALLY been attracted to Donald.
- OMIGOD! Ellen’s GAY?!?!? Why hasn’t this been in the news??
- New, openly gay Ellen can *STILL* date Michael Jackson.
And the Number 1 Surprise on the Special Episode of “Ellen”…
- Entire episode sponsored by Duracell and Snap-On Tools.
.
CREDITS
Selected from 117 submissions from 44 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA — 1 (8th #1)
- Lee Oeth, San Diego, CA — 1, 7 (3rd #1)
- Jeffrey House, Detroit, MI — 1, 14 (3rd #1)
- David W. James, Los Angeles, CA — 2
- Peg Warner, Derry, NH — 3
- Sue Prifogle, Rushville, IN — 3
- Ericka Fowler, New York, NY — 4
- Ed Smith, Chattanooga, TN — 5
- Alexander Clemens, San Francisco, CA — 6
- Gregory Swarthout, Murray, UT — 8
- Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 9
- Bob Mader, Knoxville TN — 10
- Tony Hill, Minneapolis, MN — 11
- Alan Smithee, Sugar Land, TX — 11
- Jennifer Hart, Arlington, VA — 12
- John Voigt, Chicago, IL — 13
- Patrick Douglas Crispen, Univ of Alabama — 15
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