The list for February 5, 1997
The Top 15 Surprises in the
Re-Mastered “Star Wars”
Re-Mastered “Star Wars”
- New scene in which Chewbacca teaches Han Solo how to lick himself.
- He might not look as fearsome as before, but that Primatene Mist of Darth Vader’s seems to have helped his breathing immensely.
- Added scene in which Tonya Harding whacks Princess Lea on the knee with a light saber.
- Luke accused of killing ex-wife and advised by Obi Wan to “Use the Fifth, Luke.”
- The commercial tie-in appearance of Jabba’s big brother, Pizza the Hut.
- Newly-colorized Darth Vader is mauve.
- C3PO has a conspicuous “Intel Inside” sticker on his shiny brass ass.
- Han, Luke, Obi-Wan and C3PO now sporting bitchin’ goatees.
- New scene where Luke shakes JFK’s hand and tells him he has to pee.
- Jabba the Butt-head saying, “Hehe… hehe… she said, ‘Lay ya.'”
- Revealing scene in the bathroom shows how “Han Solo” got his name.
- During one lonely night, Princess Lea finds R2D2’s special attachment.
- Anti-fur activists from planet PETA spray Chewbacca with red paint.
- The X-Wing pilot who blows up the Death Star? Richard Jewell.
And the Number 1 Surprise in the Re-Mastered “Star Wars”…
- Dismembered victim of Obi-Wan Kenobi’s light saber in bar scene none other than John Wayne Bobbitt.
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CREDITS
Selected from 116 submissions from 41 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- John Hering, Alexandria, VA — 1 (7th #1)
- Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD — 2, 11
- Marianne Tatom, Austin, TX — 3
- Paul Seaburn, Houston, TX — 4, 15
- Perry Friedman, Menlo Park, CA — 5, 12
- Steve Hurd, San Ramon, CA — 6
- Jesse Garon, San Francisco, CA — 7
- Marshal Perlman, Minneapolis, MN — 8
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 9, 13
- Matt Diamond, Holland, PA — 10
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA — 11, 14
- Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA — 14
- Gail Celio, Athens, GA — Topic
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