The list for February 10, 1998
The Top 15 Surprises in the
Olympic Opening Ceremonies
Olympic Opening Ceremonies
- The Nike Factory Children’s Marching Band from Suriname almost make it all the way through the parade before collapsing from exhaustion and malnutrition.
- Switzerland installed as prohibitive favorite in the “Shushing” competition.
- Unexpected gust of wind reveals that them sumo wrestlers ain’t exactly big all over.
- Not only is Microsoft now officially a country, Bill Gates is competing in the Ballroom Dance competition.
- Japanese stock market collapses, crushing 14 athletes.
- “Special Guest” Godzilla melts Olympic torch in cheap plug for upcoming movie.
- After brief kidnap scare, diminutive skater Tara Lipinski is located, relatively unharmed, wedged in the crack of a sumo wrestler’s ass.
- Impossible to hear anything over the deafening beeps of thousands of Tamogotchis.
- Saki-addled Japanese announcers pass out trying to say “Gillooly.”
- Former East German women’s speed skaters sporting sleek new “beardless” look.
- Sumo champ Akebono’s moving tribute to his late brother, Sonny.
- Everyone frantically ducks for cover during fly-over by US Marine Corps pilots.
- Hundreds die in explosion when Oksana Baiul burps near the Olympic flame.
- Olympic torch ignited by butt flare as Emperor bows to crowd.
And the Number 1 Surprise in the Olympic Opening Ceremonies…
- “Ladies and Gentlemen, presenting the Top 5 List Dancers!”
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CREDITS
Selected from 100 submissions from 36 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Kim Moser, New York, NY — 1 (6th #1)
- Marsha Clodfelter, Corpus Christi, TX — 2
- Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA — 3, 9
- Alan Smithee, Sugar Land, TX — 3, Banner Tag
- Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA — 4
- Denis Rubin, Los Angeles, CA — 5, 7
- Phil Doyle, Mercer Island, WA — 6, 11
- Michael Wolf, Brookline, MA — 8, 10
- R.M. Weiner, Somerville, MA — 8
- Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA — 10, 13
- Paul Paternoster, Redwood City, CA — 10, Topic
- Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 10
- Rob Seulowitz, New York, NY — 12, 15
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA — 14 /
- Thelonious Monk, New York, NY — Ambience
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