Surprises About Your Prison Pen Pal

The list for April 20, 1998

The Top 16 Surprises About
Your Prison Pen Pal

Cries every time his fellow prisoners make him do his "Chaplin walk."
Not only claims innocence, but also says he was the voice of Charlie in "Charlie’s Angels."
Claims he only killed his second wife because he found out bigamy was illegal.
His interest in "cellular biology" involves his cellmate after lights out.
Although she’s never even *heard* of "Southpark", her love of jazz has led her to kill 17 people named Kenny G.
When *he* says it, being dismembered and thrown in the river sounds mighty romantic.
Spritzes each note with a little Eau d’Exercise Yard.
From her handwriting, you’d never have guessed that Zsa Zsa’s Hungarian accent would be so noticeable.
Swears that the prison currency of the 90s is Mentos.
You both share a passion for collecting Precious Moments (TM) figurines.
Has rare ability to use the words "stoolie" and "Kafkaesque" in the same sentence.
Found a partner instead of a wooden chair, if you know what I mean.
Knows more words that rhyme with "lubricate" than any other poet you’ve read.
That swastika tattoo on his forehead? It was supposed to be a bunny!!
His only crime? Loving too much.

And the Number 1 Surprise About Your Prison Pen Pal…

Turns out the unpleasant odor of his letters is due to his pen-smuggling method.

CREDITS

Selected from 93 submissions from 36 contributors.

Today’s list authors were:

T5042098