Surprises About Apple’s New iMac Computer

The list for August 20, 1998

Next issue free if we make you nurse the wrong infant.

NOTE FROM CHRIS:

As you may know, Apple Computers recently debuted its
new “Internet computer,” the iMac. In addition to its
futuristic, see-through design, there are other surprises…

The Top 13 Surprises About
Apple’s New iMac Computer

13. “Happy Mac” icon replaced by “Happy Mac downloading porno” icon.
    

12. Errors now produce Bill Gates’s cackling laugh and an image of his butt.
    

11. Legal fireworks ensue when marketing blitz coincides with McDonalds’ introduction of their new eyeball burger.
    

10. Free “Gullible Consumer” button with every purchase.
    

9. It only costs twice as much as a 233 MHz Pentium II, yet it will run almost 29% as much software!
   

8. Includes “Robert Downey, Jr. Mode” for energy-saving auto shut-off.
   

7. Decided not to go with the original “Bill Gates gave us a ton of dough and here’s what we came up with” marketing campaign.
   

6. Special “Presidential” version: the iMacDaddy
   

5. Still “insanely great”, but now with 300% more insane!
   

4. Makes a Grande Skinny Latte like nobody’s business.
   

3. Trash can icon lined with Apple stock certificate icons.
   

2. Due to miscommunication with design team, the first prototype was called the IMAX and featured a 100-foot high monitor.

And the Number 1 Surprise About Apple’s New iMac Computer…

1. Design team responsible for “new look” signed the inside of the case — in Braille.

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CREDITS

Selected from 91 submissions from 34 contributors.

Today’s list authors were:

• Yoram Puius, Bronx, NY — 1, 10 (7th #1)
• Christopher Troise, New York, NY — 2
• Jason Anderson, Birmingham, AL — 3
• Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 3, 9 (Hall of Famer)
• Annie Fisher, Philadelphia, PA — 4
• Fred Hesby, Portland, OR — 5
• Mark Schmidt, Santa Cruz, CA — 6
• Steve Maybo, Carlsbad, CA — 7 (Hall of Famer)
• Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC — 8
• Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA — 11, Runner Up List Name
• Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia — 12
• Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 12 (Hall of Famer)
• Peter Rogers, Boston, MA — 12, 13
• Mark H. Anbinder, Ithaca, NY — Topic
• Tom White, Starkville, MS — Banner tag (fast enough for ya?)
• Chris White, New York, NY — List owner/editor
• The Beatles, Liverpool, England — Ambience

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